Archive | September, 2011

Want to know why there are so many DC references and so few Marvel ones on “The Big Bang Theory”? Find out here!

14 Sep

Warner Brothers owns the show and Warner Brothers owns DC Comics. Marvel Comics is the major competition of DC Comics. The end.

A Little Fat Kid Lives in My Belly

14 Sep

Meet the fat little bastard:

I have the hunger demands of a fat little boy with access to a candy shop inside a McDonald’s. Morning noon and night I crave cheeseburgers, chocolates, ice cream with cake (vanilla cake, of course), frosted animal crackers, cheese fries with ketchup, candy floss, funnel cake, hot dog with cheese sauce and cinnamon sticks with sugar dipping sauce. All at once, mind you. I thought that maybe other people might feel this way. Maybe we all crave our favorite foods 24-7, but we only eat what we can take. But let’s be realistic. When I, on occasion, give in the little fatty freaks out and makes me dive even deeper into the deep fried, candy coated rabbit hole. Once he gets a taste I lose all control and he starts pulling the strings. I call him Hauns. Hauns the fat little German kid who lives in my belly and keeps me from loosing those last few pounds. Oh Hauns. Why do you hate me so?
Hauns drawn by McKone

My Collection of Celebrity Autographs

8 Sep

Some Famous Quart-Asians

7 Sep

“Quart-Asian”™ – Someone who looks a little bit Asian, but is not.

Tom Hanks

David Carradine


Quentin Tarantino 

Can you think of any more?

8 Things I Wish I Never Knew. (Warning: Very Very Gross)

6 Sep

Some of these will not be explained for your own benefit. But if you are curious Google is the Gate Keeper of all thing gross and wonderful alike.

1. Jell-o contains gelatin which is made from the ground bones and hides of horses, cows and pigs. Not only Jell-o but a load of common yummys are made with gelatin. Most non-chocolate candies in fact. Many gel capped pills too. Actually it’s in just about everyother thing we use. See for yourself: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gelatin

2. Two Girls and a Cup- You don’t have to see it to feel the urge to vomit for eternity. You just have to find out what it is.

3. Bukkake-What a mess. Ugh. There has GOT to be a better use of all that. Seems a waste. Maybe as glue or something. I don’t know.

4. Bee spit mixed with pollen later vomited out is called honey. You know you love it.

5. There are tiny little mites that live in all of our eyebrows and eyelashes. They feed on the oils produced from our hairs. At night they migrate down to our eyes and suck the juice from our night tears. LOL. Night tears. Sounds like a crappy 80’s song.

6. Smell is particulate. This means that every time you smell a fart the particles from that person’s ass just floated their way into your nose. You might as well have just shoved your nose up their ass.

7. Hotel beds are petri dishes. Top sheets (bed covers) are very rarely changed between guests. You can clone a few dozen people from the DNA left on the one you used last time you stayed in a hotel. Maybe best to take it off and put it on the floor for the remainder of your stay.

8. When I was born I came out of my mother’s vagina. Same goes for you, buddy. Unless of course you were too big to fit out of there. Than you were sliced out like Bella Swan’s kid, without the vampires ripping open the womb with their teeth part.

Is it me or does Giovanni Ribisi look like he could be the insane brother of Ryan Gosling?

5 Sep

They do look quite a bit alike. Not being racist or anything. But these two white boys could have come out of the same birth canal. One is fair haired, one is not, I know but their features are quite close. Regarding the sanity part: It’s all in the eyes. Scroll over their heads and take a look at what they were thinking the moment the photos were taken. Then you’ll see what I mean.

Ryan Gosling

Giovanni Ribisi

Told you so.

My Cartoon Cel Collection: Be Awed. Be Very Awed.

5 Sep

 

Finding Volunteer Work Harder Than Finding a Job. WTF?

3 Sep

Personal Rant Time! Woo-hoo!

I have been trying to get a volunteer gig in my community for the last month and a half and  I have had zero success of actually acquiring one. I guarantee it is not due to me not trying. First there was the Boys and Girl Club. I called and left a message every day for 2 weeks. No reply. Then there was the Vista Sheriff’s Office. These clowns did answer the phone but they said to call the San Diego Sheriff Employee hotline to sort out a volunteer job. Funnily enough I had called THEM a few minutes before and asked about the Vista office. The woman at the San Diego office said there were opportunities and they would have to be sorted out with the Vista Sheriff’s Office. She explained that volunteer programs are setup either through the San Diego Sheriff’s Office or through the individual local offices. Each local office is different in how they accept and manage volunteers. Vista deals with their own volunteers. Which means that the San Diego Sheriff office told me to call Vista Sheriff Office to enquire about volunteer gigs there since the San Diego Sheriff Office has nothing to do with Vista’s Sheriff Office volunteers. (Follow me?) I explained all of this craziness to the Vista Sheriffs Office lady and she said it was not true. The only volunteer jobs she had were for the elderly. I replied with, “So you are telling me that the Vista office does not take on under 65-year-old volunteers?” She replies, “NO THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID. I said that we only have available volunteer jobs for people 65 and older but any other Vista volunteer jobs can be setup through the San Diego Sheriff Office.” Odd since the San Diego Sheriff Office said all volunteer gigs are created and sorted out locally with your branch. I hung up. If this moron would be giving me tasks to do at the local Sheriff Office it’s not worth applying. God knows how shittily the office is run over there. The woman can’t even help sort out volunteers much less crime files and such.

Then there was the Women’s Center which looked promising. They replied to all my emails and did so politely. I was looking to volunteer as a victim advocate. Basically when a woman or girl is admitted to an ER or hospital in regard to a rape or abuse I am called to meet her and support her, and see that her needs are met. Sounds great. Oh wait. What? There is a month training and the next training starts in October. So I would start to volunteer in November earliest. Hmm. Considering I am moving in January. Maybe this isn’t such a fit. Damn.

Then there was the library tutor opportunity. I applied, simple enough. Only 20 pages of paper work. Oh so this also takes a month until I’m called to get a background check. OK. I guess. Then what? I get interviewed, and tested? Interesting. Whatever sure. I am in. Still waiting for the background check call.

It takes me 2 weeks to get called for interviews whenever I seriously apply for jobs. Real jobs. Jobs that pay. Pay money. It has taken me over a month and a half to find work FOR FREE and I am still waiting for a background check. WTF is wrong with this picture?

Why is there a picture of a Hitler cat wearing a bikini at the end of this post? It’s a reward for reading or at least scrolling down the whole of this rant post. Thank you and congratulations!

Neanderthal Actors AKA Giant Skulls of Hollywood

3 Sep

Let me single out some more freaks for our amusement. Today we will be focusing on these specimens’ ginormous craniums mixed with their celebrityness. Now we begin the judging and ridicule:

Matt Smith (Current Dr. Who)

Matt Smith is the new Dr. and is still feeling his way around the universe of the show. The audience is still adjusting to Smith and the show gets mixed reviews, but over all is still loved by its fans. I was introduced to the show during the last Dr.’s reign. But still I think Matt Smith is doing a wonderful job. But DAMN he has a huge head. Right?! It’s not only a big fucking head, but his tiny mouse eyes make him look like a caveman. Luckily for Matt his head is equally huge all the way around. (Unlike our next examples.)

Conan O’Brien (America’s #1 TV Host)

The vaguely smart populous to the very smart populous all know and love Conan. He is one funny man indeed. But let’s not focus on his kick ass humor and instead lets recognize his giant eggplant shaped head. Conan has tiny eyes like Matt Smith. But his head is more top-heavy than Matt’s. We all know that curl is supposed to distract most of us from his 8 finger forehead and most of the time it works. Good thinking, Conan. Keep on keeping on.

Dolph Lundgren (80’s Movie Bad Guy)

Nice pout, Dolph! (Sarcasm). He may look like a caveman but actually he is a bit of a super genious. He speaks several languages and has a degree in chemical engineering. Surprised? I was too. Back in the 80’s Dolph was a pretty big star. He was in loads of action films. Now he is trying to pull a Mickey Rourke type comeback in a few new crappy films. Back to the giant skull part of the one way conversation: Dolph has the opposite issue as Conan. Dolph’s jaw and lower skull is about 4 sizes too big for a normal human. He looks like he could bite through a car tire no problem. Dolph’s features all match up pretty will with the rest of his face and this make him even weirder looking. With larger eyes, nose and lips to match his huge fucking head he looks like a giant or a cartoon thug from one of the very very old Superman cartoons.

Russell Brand (Wacky Comedian/Actor)

Russell is known for his personality which is very similar to (exactly like) that of Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow. They even go to the same hair dresser. Though he started as a standup comic he is now an actor of Hollywood films. He moved up the Hollywood ranks quickly and is now married to Katy (I have big boobs, see?) Perry. Head issues: Russell has a head similar to Dolph but it’s longer and therefor more noticeably mischievous looking. He looks like a children’s book villain. He is only missing a top had and coattails. His tiny tiny nose, eyes and mouth make his skull area seem even more vast. I have an idea how his nose atrophied but I’m too nice to say. Coke. Lots and loads and trucks full of coke.