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Day 5: The Cleanse

9 Jan

Let’s be real this is not really a cleanse it’s more of a choice alteration declaration with a side of contemplation and accountability.

I’m will keep calling it a cleanse to trick my mind into making the best of any decisions. If I stop calling it a cleanse I’ll allow myself the opportunity to eat anything. And that will lead me back to the road to 175lbs. 

So I’ll keep counting the days and calling it a cleanse but it’s in reality just a new way to eat. A better choices to feel better way to eat.

Anyhow I was still on it fully today.

I had the following:

  • Fresh OJ
  • Coffee with almond creamer
  • Lots of water w cucumber in it
  • Half a kiwi
  • Bit of Leftover soy soup
  • Bit of other god knows what from the nice fancy rich people vegan place I went to last night
  • A banana
  • Half an advacado
  • I feel like I had some more stuff but honestly I can’t remember for the life of me. Whatever it was it was super healthy and vegitatian

Oh and I’m not going to avoid meat at all costs. Just only going to have it if I REALLY REALLY crave it. I guess honestly maybe only once a month I’ll demand a steak or have shrimp or fish.

I’m back to work tomorrow so I’ll prob need to start packing lunches at least every other day. I’ll try and throw juices in there too to keep the juice aspect on tract as well. Funny for little juice I’ve had on my originally planned juice cleanse.

Part of why I veered away from only juice is knowing I like to stick to extremes to temporarily and if I go to one and end it I will progress toward the opposite spectrum soon after. Best to keep balance than yo yo.

I’m typing this while laying in bed and now I realize I have to get up and pack a lunch when I’m done bc I have other new routines in the AM that don’t allow time to make lunch. UGH!

The new routines started today! Working out!!! Finally!! 

I stretch for about 10-20 mins than lots of leg lifts and micro sit-ups then end with arm weights. The whole thing is about 45 mins.

I plan to just do a 10 min stretch in the AM. Then after work do elliptical or treadmill for 30. Then offer light supper at home do the 45 minute routine I said above.

That should do it. I also have a few cool tapes if I get bored of my own routine.

So today’s end of day weight is 170.0lbs

Ok so that’s my update.

Cheers

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Day 3: The Cleanse

7 Jan

My sister came to visit for the weekend and I was worried that would put me at risk of eating like an animal again. Then I rembered she eats like a bird on a diet so I was fine. (No offense, Kile.) 

We went to a great Thai place down the street and I had a salad with very very light peanut sauce and some edamame. So I was doing great. Except the half a cannof Diet Coke. Ugh. It’s just soooo hard to give up everything all at once. But it wasn’t a full can so I still left happyish with myself.

I later had a banana for a midnight snack.

That wasn’t much food for the day but I did wake up around 2:30pm. So I plan to sleep like a normal human tonight and wake up around 11am. This should give me plenty of time to have a wider range of juices and food.

Weight tonight was 169.4lbs

Disappointing but understandable since I have been sleeping terribly the last few days. 

Tomorrow night I expect to be around 168 or less. 

We also walked around Downtown Burbank for a good hour or more. That was fun. My sister was not very impressed with what Downtown Burbank has to offer but she liked the tacos she picked up on the way back.

Oh and she also hated my new Hedghog suit. She said I look ridiculous. I proceeded to tell her ‘thank you for your opinion but you can fuck right off’. 


Tomorrow should be fun. We’re getting massages!! My favorite!

Day 2: The Cleanse

6 Jan

Let’s just start by saying I’ll go to the end of the earth to help other people but most times I would even lift a finger for myself. Unless it’s something vital or cake related.

But if someone ask for something I’ll usually help but when I set goals or ask myself favors I usually tell myself to fuck off and ask someone who cares.

With that said: I have been on my cleanse all day. But I may have altered it a tiny bit so I can still do it without running out to get a burger.

I got some freeze dried fruits and also some dried mango and advacado. I had the dried mango with spices on it. It was magical. Then the crushed advacado with some salt. Salt and spices are the bendable pieces I altered to the original plan.

When I get back to work Monday I plan to have coffees too just to survive as well. With soy milk.

The things I will not have at all:

  1. Meat
  2. Cheese
  3. Bread
  4. Fried foods
  5. Any junk food
  6. Any candy
  7. Any other sweets or cookies or cakes etc
  8. Ice cream
  9. Dairy of any kind

That’s the main thing.
I MAY steam some veggies but that’s all. No butter or anything else on them.

I venture to say I can last more than 10 days with those limits but we shall see for sure.

My weight at the end of day 2: 170lbs (ugh!!)

My goal weight: 125lbs


Oh and I got the best thing ever today

A Hedgehog Kigurumi suit. It’s adorable. And the most comfortable thing ever. I’m very tempted to wear it to work. Maybe I can get some kind of pajama day thing going on and wear it then.

Time to get my lazy ass back on track!

4 Jan

It’s that time again. Time for New Years goals about life long health alterations to live better, longer and thinner. 

These are most often broken after a few weeks or even days. But I’ve actually don’t this before and stuck with it for a few months and even once for several years. 

So join me, or don’t (whatever), on a very honest very boring journey into my fitness and diet alterations for a better, longer and thinner me.

Start date is 1/4/17.

Start weight. Ugh. Well keep that private for now. Give me a few days to get that down to my pre holiday average. Should be there in 2 days.

I will begin this path with a juice cleanse for 10 days. My version of a juice cleanse also allows for raw fruit and veg. Nothing else though. The raw food is really only allowed to avoid hunger pains and dietary boredom which can lead to breaking the whole thing off.

I plan to work out 2x a day. I hate working out at least until I get into the rhythm.

I’ll post at the end of each day with weight, meals and workout updates.

Since some people hate this type of nonsense I’ll also add a separate fun post daily having nothing to do with food etc. Something like “Who is my favorite serial killer and why?” or “What would happen if I lived a day like a character out of Always Sunny? Let’s find out!” or “RuPaul, please be my second mom and teach me to be an adult woman because you do it better than most naturally born women I know”.
Ok it’s about 3am so I’m out.

Lena.

A Little Fat Kid Lives in My Belly

14 Sep

Meet the fat little bastard:

I have the hunger demands of a fat little boy with access to a candy shop inside a McDonald’s. Morning noon and night I crave cheeseburgers, chocolates, ice cream with cake (vanilla cake, of course), frosted animal crackers, cheese fries with ketchup, candy floss, funnel cake, hot dog with cheese sauce and cinnamon sticks with sugar dipping sauce. All at once, mind you. I thought that maybe other people might feel this way. Maybe we all crave our favorite foods 24-7, but we only eat what we can take. But let’s be realistic. When I, on occasion, give in the little fatty freaks out and makes me dive even deeper into the deep fried, candy coated rabbit hole. Once he gets a taste I lose all control and he starts pulling the strings. I call him Hauns. Hauns the fat little German kid who lives in my belly and keeps me from loosing those last few pounds. Oh Hauns. Why do you hate me so?
Hauns drawn by McKone

8 Things I Wish I Never Knew. (Warning: Very Very Gross)

6 Sep

Some of these will not be explained for your own benefit. But if you are curious Google is the Gate Keeper of all thing gross and wonderful alike.

1. Jell-o contains gelatin which is made from the ground bones and hides of horses, cows and pigs. Not only Jell-o but a load of common yummys are made with gelatin. Most non-chocolate candies in fact. Many gel capped pills too. Actually it’s in just about everyother thing we use. See for yourself: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gelatin

2. Two Girls and a Cup- You don’t have to see it to feel the urge to vomit for eternity. You just have to find out what it is.

3. Bukkake-What a mess. Ugh. There has GOT to be a better use of all that. Seems a waste. Maybe as glue or something. I don’t know.

4. Bee spit mixed with pollen later vomited out is called honey. You know you love it.

5. There are tiny little mites that live in all of our eyebrows and eyelashes. They feed on the oils produced from our hairs. At night they migrate down to our eyes and suck the juice from our night tears. LOL. Night tears. Sounds like a crappy 80’s song.

6. Smell is particulate. This means that every time you smell a fart the particles from that person’s ass just floated their way into your nose. You might as well have just shoved your nose up their ass.

7. Hotel beds are petri dishes. Top sheets (bed covers) are very rarely changed between guests. You can clone a few dozen people from the DNA left on the one you used last time you stayed in a hotel. Maybe best to take it off and put it on the floor for the remainder of your stay.

8. When I was born I came out of my mother’s vagina. Same goes for you, buddy. Unless of course you were too big to fit out of there. Than you were sliced out like Bella Swan’s kid, without the vampires ripping open the womb with their teeth part.

WTF Movie Moments: The NeverEnding Story

16 Aug

Within the first couple minutes of the film Bastian and his dad are in their kitchen having breakfast. Dad makes OJ/raw egg shake. WTF!? See for yourself:

Skip to 2:20 to check it out.

 

His dad doesn’t look like a pro weight lifter or gym bunny. So… Is he just on some 80’s diet fad? Or was the writer on crack when he wrote that in?

Thoughts?