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Day 5: The Cleanse

9 Jan

Let’s be real this is not really a cleanse it’s more of a choice alteration declaration with a side of contemplation and accountability.

I’m will keep calling it a cleanse to trick my mind into making the best of any decisions. If I stop calling it a cleanse I’ll allow myself the opportunity to eat anything. And that will lead me back to the road to 175lbs. 

So I’ll keep counting the days and calling it a cleanse but it’s in reality just a new way to eat. A better choices to feel better way to eat.

Anyhow I was still on it fully today.

I had the following:

  • Fresh OJ
  • Coffee with almond creamer
  • Lots of water w cucumber in it
  • Half a kiwi
  • Bit of Leftover soy soup
  • Bit of other god knows what from the nice fancy rich people vegan place I went to last night
  • A banana
  • Half an advacado
  • I feel like I had some more stuff but honestly I can’t remember for the life of me. Whatever it was it was super healthy and vegitatian

Oh and I’m not going to avoid meat at all costs. Just only going to have it if I REALLY REALLY crave it. I guess honestly maybe only once a month I’ll demand a steak or have shrimp or fish.

I’m back to work tomorrow so I’ll prob need to start packing lunches at least every other day. I’ll try and throw juices in there too to keep the juice aspect on tract as well. Funny for little juice I’ve had on my originally planned juice cleanse.

Part of why I veered away from only juice is knowing I like to stick to extremes to temporarily and if I go to one and end it I will progress toward the opposite spectrum soon after. Best to keep balance than yo yo.

I’m typing this while laying in bed and now I realize I have to get up and pack a lunch when I’m done bc I have other new routines in the AM that don’t allow time to make lunch. UGH!

The new routines started today! Working out!!! Finally!! 

I stretch for about 10-20 mins than lots of leg lifts and micro sit-ups then end with arm weights. The whole thing is about 45 mins.

I plan to just do a 10 min stretch in the AM. Then after work do elliptical or treadmill for 30. Then offer light supper at home do the 45 minute routine I said above.

That should do it. I also have a few cool tapes if I get bored of my own routine.

So today’s end of day weight is 170.0lbs

Ok so that’s my update.

Cheers

Dr. Floyd.

7 Jan

Max had a popcorn kernel stuck in one of his recently removed wisdom tooth holes.

He couldn’t get it out on his own and called the dentist to make an appt for tomorrow. He asked if I could take a look in the mean time.

I went straight into Dr. Lena mode.

I got all the necessary equipment out.

The tooth mirror thing, the flat hooked tooth pick metal thing, tweezers, a light and a syringe with no needle to try and plow that kernel out using water jetted right on it.

Then I sterilized the working station, myself and the equipment.

It was time to begin. I tried to jet water into the gun cavity but I couldn’t reach it. So I say Max down and tried the flat hooked tooth pick metal thing. That worked very well and after a few minutes it dislodged. I had him rinse and mission complete. No need for a $100 dentist appt.

He later wrote me a yelp review and sent it via text: (Slight edit made for context.)

” Yelp review for Dr. Floyd’s. 

She got the job done in a calm and careful manor. She was very reassuring and confident. She had the tools needed for the job. Although she didn’t wear a mask. All in all, I would return. I think she works a lot on kids as she was in a hedgehog onesie the entire time.”

Day 3: The Cleanse

7 Jan

My sister came to visit for the weekend and I was worried that would put me at risk of eating like an animal again. Then I rembered she eats like a bird on a diet so I was fine. (No offense, Kile.) 

We went to a great Thai place down the street and I had a salad with very very light peanut sauce and some edamame. So I was doing great. Except the half a cannof Diet Coke. Ugh. It’s just soooo hard to give up everything all at once. But it wasn’t a full can so I still left happyish with myself.

I later had a banana for a midnight snack.

That wasn’t much food for the day but I did wake up around 2:30pm. So I plan to sleep like a normal human tonight and wake up around 11am. This should give me plenty of time to have a wider range of juices and food.

Weight tonight was 169.4lbs

Disappointing but understandable since I have been sleeping terribly the last few days. 

Tomorrow night I expect to be around 168 or less. 

We also walked around Downtown Burbank for a good hour or more. That was fun. My sister was not very impressed with what Downtown Burbank has to offer but she liked the tacos she picked up on the way back.

Oh and she also hated my new Hedghog suit. She said I look ridiculous. I proceeded to tell her ‘thank you for your opinion but you can fuck right off’. 


Tomorrow should be fun. We’re getting massages!! My favorite!

Day 2: The Cleanse

6 Jan

Let’s just start by saying I’ll go to the end of the earth to help other people but most times I would even lift a finger for myself. Unless it’s something vital or cake related.

But if someone ask for something I’ll usually help but when I set goals or ask myself favors I usually tell myself to fuck off and ask someone who cares.

With that said: I have been on my cleanse all day. But I may have altered it a tiny bit so I can still do it without running out to get a burger.

I got some freeze dried fruits and also some dried mango and advacado. I had the dried mango with spices on it. It was magical. Then the crushed advacado with some salt. Salt and spices are the bendable pieces I altered to the original plan.

When I get back to work Monday I plan to have coffees too just to survive as well. With soy milk.

The things I will not have at all:

  1. Meat
  2. Cheese
  3. Bread
  4. Fried foods
  5. Any junk food
  6. Any candy
  7. Any other sweets or cookies or cakes etc
  8. Ice cream
  9. Dairy of any kind

That’s the main thing.
I MAY steam some veggies but that’s all. No butter or anything else on them.

I venture to say I can last more than 10 days with those limits but we shall see for sure.

My weight at the end of day 2: 170lbs (ugh!!)

My goal weight: 125lbs


Oh and I got the best thing ever today

A Hedgehog Kigurumi suit. It’s adorable. And the most comfortable thing ever. I’m very tempted to wear it to work. Maybe I can get some kind of pajama day thing going on and wear it then.

Day 1: My Cleanse

5 Jan

I’m on vacation until the 9th of this month so most of my day is spent sleeping. This helps a lot when you’re avoiding food.

Today I had a glass of fresh squeezed OJ, a dozen or so cherries, a peach and a bag of protein chips. That last one technically was against my rules but since this is my cleanse I’ll allow it. Ha. They were super healthy and delicious.

I’ll post weights starting tomorrow on day 2. But I did drop 2.5lbs from last night. So that’s cool.

I also bought a ton of fruit and veg today to make life easier.

Wish me luck!

Time to get my lazy ass back on track!

4 Jan

It’s that time again. Time for New Years goals about life long health alterations to live better, longer and thinner. 

These are most often broken after a few weeks or even days. But I’ve actually don’t this before and stuck with it for a few months and even once for several years. 

So join me, or don’t (whatever), on a very honest very boring journey into my fitness and diet alterations for a better, longer and thinner me.

Start date is 1/4/17.

Start weight. Ugh. Well keep that private for now. Give me a few days to get that down to my pre holiday average. Should be there in 2 days.

I will begin this path with a juice cleanse for 10 days. My version of a juice cleanse also allows for raw fruit and veg. Nothing else though. The raw food is really only allowed to avoid hunger pains and dietary boredom which can lead to breaking the whole thing off.

I plan to work out 2x a day. I hate working out at least until I get into the rhythm.

I’ll post at the end of each day with weight, meals and workout updates.

Since some people hate this type of nonsense I’ll also add a separate fun post daily having nothing to do with food etc. Something like “Who is my favorite serial killer and why?” or “What would happen if I lived a day like a character out of Always Sunny? Let’s find out!” or “RuPaul, please be my second mom and teach me to be an adult woman because you do it better than most naturally born women I know”.
Ok it’s about 3am so I’m out.

Lena.

My Collection of Celebrity Autographs

8 Sep

Finding Volunteer Work Harder Than Finding a Job. WTF?

3 Sep

Personal Rant Time! Woo-hoo!

I have been trying to get a volunteer gig in my community for the last month and a half and  I have had zero success of actually acquiring one. I guarantee it is not due to me not trying. First there was the Boys and Girl Club. I called and left a message every day for 2 weeks. No reply. Then there was the Vista Sheriff’s Office. These clowns did answer the phone but they said to call the San Diego Sheriff Employee hotline to sort out a volunteer job. Funnily enough I had called THEM a few minutes before and asked about the Vista office. The woman at the San Diego office said there were opportunities and they would have to be sorted out with the Vista Sheriff’s Office. She explained that volunteer programs are setup either through the San Diego Sheriff’s Office or through the individual local offices. Each local office is different in how they accept and manage volunteers. Vista deals with their own volunteers. Which means that the San Diego Sheriff office told me to call Vista Sheriff Office to enquire about volunteer gigs there since the San Diego Sheriff Office has nothing to do with Vista’s Sheriff Office volunteers. (Follow me?) I explained all of this craziness to the Vista Sheriffs Office lady and she said it was not true. The only volunteer jobs she had were for the elderly. I replied with, “So you are telling me that the Vista office does not take on under 65-year-old volunteers?” She replies, “NO THAT IS NOT WHAT I SAID. I said that we only have available volunteer jobs for people 65 and older but any other Vista volunteer jobs can be setup through the San Diego Sheriff Office.” Odd since the San Diego Sheriff Office said all volunteer gigs are created and sorted out locally with your branch. I hung up. If this moron would be giving me tasks to do at the local Sheriff Office it’s not worth applying. God knows how shittily the office is run over there. The woman can’t even help sort out volunteers much less crime files and such.

Then there was the Women’s Center which looked promising. They replied to all my emails and did so politely. I was looking to volunteer as a victim advocate. Basically when a woman or girl is admitted to an ER or hospital in regard to a rape or abuse I am called to meet her and support her, and see that her needs are met. Sounds great. Oh wait. What? There is a month training and the next training starts in October. So I would start to volunteer in November earliest. Hmm. Considering I am moving in January. Maybe this isn’t such a fit. Damn.

Then there was the library tutor opportunity. I applied, simple enough. Only 20 pages of paper work. Oh so this also takes a month until I’m called to get a background check. OK. I guess. Then what? I get interviewed, and tested? Interesting. Whatever sure. I am in. Still waiting for the background check call.

It takes me 2 weeks to get called for interviews whenever I seriously apply for jobs. Real jobs. Jobs that pay. Pay money. It has taken me over a month and a half to find work FOR FREE and I am still waiting for a background check. WTF is wrong with this picture?

Why is there a picture of a Hitler cat wearing a bikini at the end of this post? It’s a reward for reading or at least scrolling down the whole of this rant post. Thank you and congratulations!

Attention all cashiers!!:

8 Dec

STOP FUCKING HANDING ME MY CHANGE OVER MY BILLS AND RECEIPT, YOU FUCKING TWATCOCKS*!!!!!!

Once upon a time in the Kingdom of Port Washington, Lena herself was a simple cashier at Genovese Pharmacy later known as Eckerd Pharmacy, later still known as Duane Reade. Once there she was taught the basics of being a cashier: ring up their crap, tell them the total, bag it then take their money and give them their change and receipt. She may have hated some parts of that job but she didn’t think that the simple cashier work was fucking brain surgery. So today Lena is going to share with EVERYONE how a proper cashier hands back change with a receipt. Watch and learn. It may save your life someday…or maybe not.

*Twatcocks [twaht-koks]

1. Unisex title for someone who is acting like an asshole, but worse.

–noun Slang: Vulgar.

Origin: Lena made it up.

The Weight Wall is Broken

3 Oct

So I will post about a lot of awesome crap I’ve seen and done since last I wrote but this particular post is about weight and the battle to not be a oinker.

January of this year I decided to buy a scale. Why you ask. Because my subconscious was trying to tell me I had gained a lot in the last couple years and didn’t even realize. Maybe if I weighed myself and saw the undeniable numbers I would stop eating junk food 10x a day. So I did. I am a curvy lady thanks to my grandmas, but not heavy. I thought at the time I weighed around 140 maximum. Well…I weighed myself that night and almost had a heart attack. It read 158.0 lbs. I was mortified. In high school I was between 140-125 (thanks to H.S. trials and tribulations my weight fluctuated often.) Action was taken immediately. I decided to start by recording my weight and what I ate in a journal every AM and before bed. This helped me see what made me gain or lose weight. Mysteriously when I ate well I lost weight. Wow, what a scientific breakthrough! This went on for a couple of months and I eventually reached 145ish. Then I decided to tackle the Master Cleanse. It worked great! It was hard as hell to stick to and I was starving all the time but it paid off. I lost another 10 lbs. This was due to the diet and my stomach having had shrunk due to so little eating while on the diet. After the cleanse I found myself eating less during the day. Though every once in a while I would visit a McDonald’s or Domino’s.

Anyway…

I eventually reached (hit) a very steady (hard) 138 lbs. wall. It was impossible to break it for months. I did not workout which makes losing weight take a million times longer, but I still ate pretty well. (Although I was having the occasional McD’s and all.) Side note: I had stopped journaling me food, but did keep doing the weight notes daily.

Again time passed and I needed to do something else to bash that damn 138 pound wall down. So I made an excel file which lets me write my my diet and weight daily. But this was much better than the book journal because I could see every day all at once. I could train myself to realize that I was eating a lot of food daily and if I ate a salad instead of fried chicken and mashed potatoes all the time I might be able to break the wall slowly.

This is a screen capture of the excel of the first 2 days:

Well so far the damn thing works better than any real diet. Because I am not at 133.0, my lowest yet since right after High School.

See that on the first day I gained 2.5 lbs in ONE DAY from eating non stop? But it was yummy. What?

I am posting this for anyone who is interested in breaking that wall. You can do it. Just keep trying. Trying and failing and then trying again is the only way you can do it. Eventually you will find how to do it for yourself.

Good luck and think healthy.