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Subway stair hog assholes! Photos to come.

6 Dec

Next time I see a greedy a-hole hogging the stairway (usually on their cell or smoking a cigarette) I am taking a picture and posting it here. Wait to see the a-hole. Hopefully no one you know.

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Actresses with giant guns (arms)!

6 Dec

Some of these ladies might be dainty and manicured but if you piss them off they could pop your head right off your neck.

 

Angela Bassett especially in “What’s Love Got to do With it?” as Tina Turner

Madonna

Kelly Ripa AKA Regis Philbin’s puppeteer

Tara from True Blood AKA Rutina Wesley

Terminator Mom AKA Linda Hamilton

The Single Parent Disney Tear Jerker Technique:

5 Dec

Yesterday I realized while watching “The Little Mermaid” (What you got a problem with that?) that Ariel’s mom was deceased. Then two seconds later I realized that many more Disney stories are centered around the child of a single parent. With the missing parent usually dead.

Here are the films I could think of off the top of my head that fit the Single Parent Disney Tear Jerker Technique:

Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
Pinocchio-Gepetto isn’t married, so there.
Dumbo
Bambi
Cinderella
The Little Mermaid
Beauty and the Beast
The Lion King
Finding Nemo
Ratatouille

If you think of more than let me know. But it does seem a little odd and very manipulative of Disney doesn’t it?

The math of the TV show wardrobe:

11 Aug

Smart/lazy  producers decide that some shows should have their lead cast in recognizably similar clothing throughout the season. So that each character remains in your head to appear to remain the same throughout time. Their style and tastes never changing. The producers want you to recognize the character immediately and remember their style as well. Now here are a few examples of this interestingness:

A= Sheldon Cooper– Long sleeved solid shirt under a short sleeved printed shirt, unless he’s wearing a jacket over it of course. With dark straight leg pants, either pattered or solid.

B= Howard Wolowitz– Solid turtle neck under buttoned down collared shirt with maybe a sweater vest thrown in for shits and giggles. He has some dramatic colored pants. Like the red ones seen above.

C= Rajesh Koothrappali– Zip down wind breaker or light jacket over a v-neck sweater over a buttoned down collared shirt. He usually has earth tone pants.

D= Leonard Hofstadter– T-shirt under a hooded zip front sweat shirt (always unzipped), under a jacket. He seems to wear jeans of varying colors, dark brown, blues, and dark greens.

E= Penny– She wears whatever flatters her figure in a cute way, unless she is supposed to look homey/slummy and she is in sweats. It is undeniable she has the largest variety of clothing styles among the whole cast.

Other shows do this too. Just check out some images of your favorite shows online. Not every show does it, but many do. Bet you’ll hate me now because you won’t be able to stop noticing it. Sorry. But it had to be shared.

Rent Boys: The Musical

4 Aug

I wanna see a musical with the following plot: An old married couple rent a rent boy to pretend he is their son at a family reunion. Hilariousness ensues as he pretends he’s their son and simultaneously tries to pickup future customers (“Johns”) like Uncle Joe and Cousin Phil.

What’s a rent boy? It’s a young man prostitute. Or a male child one. Either way it’s a baby man ho.

I think it’s a genius plot. If I see it anywhere else I’m suing your ass!

Offensive words that are fun to say…

4 Aug

as long as you don’t think too much about their meanings or how terrible they make people feel. These words roll off the tongue like mean offensive rhythmic melodies sung from a cruel racist, sexist bigot named Buck. Not that all Bucks are racist…let’s move on before I talk myself into a black hole.

Note: I don’t condone saying these words unless you’re only saying them to laugh at how fun they are to say. They’re awful. (Spit, spit.)

Let’s begin:

pikey

queef

honkey

fanny

twat

maricon

tittard (Just made that one up. Go me.)

guido

bible beater

mafiosi

Your Hairstylist’s Hair: Consider it Their Means of Advertising

15 Jul

If you walk into an unfamiliar salon for a nice fresh new look and the hairstylist you get has some wacky nuvo fashion hair cut that makes them look like a moron than ask to reschedule due to an unexpected birth in the family and when they take you back to the counter to reschedule say, “One sec I have to make a quick call.” Then go outside and RUN!

Nothing is worse than a shittylicious haircut that won’t even grow out well in a few weeks. Think of your potential hairstylist’s haircut as a preview of their talent. Sure they probably didn’t cut it themselves but someone they chose did, someone they judged as trust worthy and talented by using their hairstylist powers/education.

Imagine you were going to get an artist to do a portrait of you and the artist’s favorite type of art was “shit smeared on walls and called a political statement about how the government treats the homeless”. You should probably look else where for an artist to do a nice classic portrait. I won’t deny that this mode of thinking is judgmental, ever rude and kinda cruel…but it’s your portrait and if it ends up being a turd stapled to a piece of loose-leaf with your name written under it than you’re only to blame.

An artist’s tastes/judgments generally reflects their school of thought/(sometimes) talent, and more often than not (when dealing when a hairstylist) if their hair looks like shit than yours might end up the same if not worse. Why take the risk?

Think of all those funny looking haircuts you see on hairstylists in 80’s movies.(Or remember the hairstylists’ haircuts back in the 80’s (If you remember them.)) Now imagine you went to one of those hairstylists back then and asked for a trim and some layers, expecting a good haircut by today’s standards.You might end up looking like this:

—-Scroll over image.—-

Again…don’t risk your hair. It takes way too long to grow back out. Especially bangs…trust me on that one.

P.S. Especially never trust a bald hairstylist. They could be bald because their last hair cut was a mistake, and if your hairstylist can’t get a good hairstylist then they probably aren’t that good either.

Good luck!