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Bad parents should have to hand over their reproductive organs.

2 Apr

There are many things that piss me off. Obviously enough things to have compelled me to create this blog.

One of these many things is seen below in a crappily photoshopped image I did (with the help of Mike).

Observe:

A few weeks ago I noticed a baby in a strolled sucking down a can of Coca-Cola. What the fuck?! This was not the first time I’d seen it either, but it was the first time I saw it and had a blog where I could share my disgust for shitty parenting.

How is there not mandatory sterilization? People should have to take a general knowledge test before they get to pop one out. Question 1 could say, “Do you feed the baby regularly? Yes or No.” Question 2, “Do you give the baby baths and clean it? Yes or No.” Question 3, “Is a drink with excessive chemicals and dissolvents ok to give your baby? Yes or No.” If they can’t get past question 3 without a wrong answer than they are sterilized. End of discussion, hand over your reproductive organs.

Grownups and kids of a certain age CAN have soda, they know the risks and their bodies are pretty much starting to rot already anyway. No use fighting nature and all. But babies are in production, still growing and developing all kinds of crap they will have to worry about maintaining later in life. Give them a clean start God damn it.

‘Nuff said.

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Is Hellraiser real?

6 Dec

I found this about 3 bloocks from my apartment:

This is the mattress from the film “Hellraiser 2: Hellbound”:

Anyone think I should worry?

Don’t worry, folks. I’m ready.

I’ve seen the films.

I’ll need to find an autistic girl who looks like Brad Pitt and a nice brunette lady who’s dad was skinned by her mother in law.

https://nicegirlmeanthoughts.wordpress.com/2009/09/02/brad-pitt-as-little-girl-i-know-right/

Consider it done.

The vampires in 30 DAYS OF NIGHT…

6 Dec

look a little bit inbred.

Let’s compare and contrast:

See, I told you so.

Canal Street is made up of…

19 Nov

cheap crapily made handbags, sunglasses and watches. Everybody knows it, respects it and loves it for its providence of all that junk.

But lately it’s been infiltrated. Infiltrated by Long Island and Jersey housewives and daughters. These Juicy Couture Velour tracksuit wearing monsters are ruining it for the rest of us.

First off they don’t barter! WTF?! That’s what it’s all about Paula and Stephanie. Since they’re just paying first price asked the vendors now hate to barter with the rest of us. And because of it they allow us much less leeway than they did before the infiltration.

Secondly, these biotches are obnoxious! They arrive in these HUGE busses. I mean HUGE! And they even have handlers. Usually some shady looking dude with an eye on one his watch and the other on some cougar’s tail.

They attack like no army ever know. It’s a genuine invasion. Everyone else in the shops try to get the hell out of their way, because they know the women are thirsty for blood…and faux Louis Vuitton.

Thirdly, some of them are just plain racist. Not all of them are but I have heard several girls say things like, “This is America, speak English”… and such.

This rant is coming to a close. But next time you’re at Canal Street and you get lost in a sea of take tans and highlights remember this: If you need  help getting rid of one of their bodies, you know how to reach me.

 

I think our neighbor is possessed.

19 Nov

I hear scratching on the other side of the wall. (Earlier thought to be mice. Now thought to be the desperate scratching of a possessed hipster living across the hall.)

There are also grunt noises like that chick did in “The Exorcism of Emily Rose”. CrEePy…

I hope she doesn’t die or anything…

I have no patience for the smell of a rotting corpse seeping through the walls.

That and if she dies than the demon might try and posses me. THEN I’d be pissed!

Holy Shit…

17 Nov

that poor son of a tuna.

I was just thinking…

11 Nov

that I would certainly crap my pants if I saw an alien walk into my bedroom one night while I was in bed trying to fall asleep. THEN I thought what would be the creepiest looking alien to see, what would make me crap my pants the most?

FYI, this is how it would look when it came into my room:

WTF?!