DRACO MALFOY from ‘HARRY POTTER’ and VELDA’S DAUGHTER from ‘TROOP BEVERLY HILLS’
This one is pretty intense. Brace yourselves.
Tag Archives: actors
One of My Heroes: Full Moon Features/Charles Band
31 Mar
In 1989 Charles Band created Full Moon Productions. He wanted a production company that would churn out a horror/sci-fi film once a month(ish). The films would be made on a super low budget but still look much better than their competitors (similar low budget production companies). Through the 90’s Fullmoon was noticeably successful. The Puppet Master and Subspecies franchises kept audiences wanting more. They also put out dozens of other films which varied in success. The later 90’s into the early 2000’s saw Fullmoon lose its audience. Band renamed the company several times since 1989 and it’s now called Fullmoon Features. The company is now actually starting to bring itself back to life. Being a huge fan of the company I am super excited and would kill to work with them. HINT HINT, Mr. Band.
But really folks. You need to check out some of their best works and enjoy the goof and wonder that is the mighty and terrible Fullmoon Features. See below for a list of films from which to start your Fullmoon journey:
1. Castle Freak- Let’s just lay it all out on the table now so you know what you’re getting into. Like pulling a band-aid quickly. Especially if that band-aid happens to be a naked rotting castle freak wreaking havok on the new tenants.
2. Puppet Master 1- William Hickey, puppets that kill, and a sexual psychic. What more can you want? Oh…you’re looking for a puppet that vomits up leaches, too? Let’s see…You’re in luck. We have one right here. She even cuddles the victims that she’s vomiting them on.
3. Subspecies 2- In all honesty I think Gary Oldman might have taken a note or two from Radu. That whole decrepit yet enticing thing was Radu’s idea first. Also notice that the blood in this is actually really really gross. These vampires are very messy and tend to let the blood just leak out of their mouths after they take a victim. Eww.
4. Dollman vs. Demonic Toys- A 13” tall mini-cop from the future, played by Tim motherfucking Thomerson!, must rescue ”Nurse Ginger”, a mini-bimbo from the present (She was shrunk down…its a long story.) from being impregnated by a demon possessed baby doll. No one wants to give birth to the anti-christ. Not even mini-bimbos named Nurse Ginger.
So please check out the site of the Company and even a few of the film. I can promise you one thing: YOU WILL NEVER FORGET ANYTHING FROM FULLMOON. Even if it’s not quite your cup of tea. It’s still some tea you will never forget the taste of.
Neanderthal Actors AKA Giant Skulls of Hollywood
3 SepLet me single out some more freaks for our amusement. Today we will be focusing on these specimens’ ginormous craniums mixed with their celebrityness. Now we begin the judging and ridicule:
Matt Smith (Current Dr. Who)
Matt Smith is the new Dr. and is still feeling his way around the universe of the show. The audience is still adjusting to Smith and the show gets mixed reviews, but over all is still loved by its fans. I was introduced to the show during the last Dr.’s reign. But still I think Matt Smith is doing a wonderful job. But DAMN he has a huge head. Right?! It’s not only a big fucking head, but his tiny mouse eyes make him look like a caveman. Luckily for Matt his head is equally huge all the way around. (Unlike our next examples.)
Conan O’Brien (America’s #1 TV Host)
The vaguely smart populous to the very smart populous all know and love Conan. He is one funny man indeed. But let’s not focus on his kick ass humor and instead lets recognize his giant eggplant shaped head. Conan has tiny eyes like Matt Smith. But his head is more top-heavy than Matt’s. We all know that curl is supposed to distract most of us from his 8 finger forehead and most of the time it works. Good thinking, Conan. Keep on keeping on.
Dolph Lundgren (80’s Movie Bad Guy)
Nice pout, Dolph! (Sarcasm). He may look like a caveman but actually he is a bit of a super genious. He speaks several languages and has a degree in chemical engineering. Surprised? I was too. Back in the 80’s Dolph was a pretty big star. He was in loads of action films. Now he is trying to pull a Mickey Rourke type comeback in a few new crappy films. Back to the giant skull part of the one way conversation: Dolph has the opposite issue as Conan. Dolph’s jaw and lower skull is about 4 sizes too big for a normal human. He looks like he could bite through a car tire no problem. Dolph’s features all match up pretty will with the rest of his face and this make him even weirder looking. With larger eyes, nose and lips to match his huge fucking head he looks like a giant or a cartoon thug from one of the very very old Superman cartoons.
Russell Brand (Wacky Comedian/Actor)
Russell is known for his personality which is very similar to (exactly like) that of Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow. They even go to the same hair dresser. Though he started as a standup comic he is now an actor of Hollywood films. He moved up the Hollywood ranks quickly and is now married to Katy (I have big boobs, see?) Perry. Head issues: Russell has a head similar to Dolph but it’s longer and therefor more noticeably mischievous looking. He looks like a children’s book villain. He is only missing a top had and coattails. His tiny tiny nose, eyes and mouth make his skull area seem even more vast. I have an idea how his nose atrophied but I’m too nice to say. Coke. Lots and loads and trucks full of coke.
Actresses with giant guns (arms)!
6 DecSome of these ladies might be dainty and manicured but if you piss them off they could pop your head right off your neck.
Angela Bassett especially in “What’s Love Got to do With it?” as Tina Turner
Madonna
Kelly Ripa AKA Regis Philbin’s puppeteer
Tara from True Blood AKA Rutina Wesley
Terminator Mom AKA Linda Hamilton
Are They Related?: Celebrity Edition, Witch VS. Vampire
5 DecAmber Benson VS. Kristin Bauer
What do you think? They both have that California relaxed look. Though since I said that they are probably from Iowa and Mississippi or something.
Here is a more dramatic look for them both. Though Kristin has a bunch on makeup on you can still see the similarities.
Let me know what you guys think. Am I off or did I hit it on the head?
Time for Another Round of ‘Are They Related?’: Celebrity Edition
14 JulDominique Swain VS. Amanda Bynes
They both have that “nice girl Lolita thoughts” look about them. Same face shape and coloring. Amanda’s nose is bigger and Dominique’s cheekbones stick out more but I say they look very much alike. They both fill a certain niche in Hollywood. Pretty, cute, blonde girl next door who you just might be able to talk into playing doctor. What?! Come on! They both have that slutty glint in their eye. Don’t get me wrong I think their both awesome. Great talents and very successful. But they still have that glimmer that says, “I won’t tell”.
Anyway…
Dominique has been riding the “Lolita” train since 97′ and has continued to pose in photo shoots as the character ever since. I think she’s about 30 and she still wears braids or flashes her undies “accidentally” in most shots. I wanna see Lolita 2: “Barefoot and Pregnant: The Post Nymphet Years”. (Side Note–I had to Google “Nymphet” to verify spelling since I can’t spell to save my life. Gross mistake.)
Now Amanda is a bit less creepy. For one thing she is much younger and seems to have built an empire of herself. She was one of Nickelodeon’s child actor from the mid/late 90’s through the mid/late 00’s. She was on probably about 4 shows on Nick. You know how Britney Spears, Justin Timberlake and all those other kids were created in a Disney factory? Well the next models of child stars were created in the Nickelodeon factory. “All That” (a kids’ version of SNL on Nick), remember that? I do. Damn I miss Left Eye… 😦 (Side Note: TLC, remember them? Well they sang the theme song for “All That”. Lisa “Left Eye” Lopes was one of their three singers. She had the best voice, and she sure knew how to burn a cheating boyfriend/husband’s house down. Sadly…it was her house too at the time. She later died in a car accident.)
Anyway…
I think Dominique and Amanda could play sisters. And it’s creepy how much time has passed and how little either of them has aged. Especially Dominique. I think she’s an alien. Possibly a pod person.
Thoughts?
Celebs who creepily look alike #2:
8 DecJessica Harper (Shock Treatment/Boys)
and
Frances O’Connor (A.I/Bedazzled)
This instance is especially creepy because I suspect the two women are actually one woman. This Jessica/Frances woman seems to have taken the “Death Becomes Her” potion (See below):
It is my assumption that Frances will soon stop acting and wait another 10 years until she will emerge again as Agnes or Julia something. She can’t fool me!
The vampires in 30 DAYS OF NIGHT…
6 Declook a little bit inbred.
Let’s compare and contrast:
See, I told you so.
Bullshit talent agencies…
9 Sepsuck John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt ass!
A month or so ago I decided I would try my hand at working as an extra for film and TV in NYC. So I made a proper resume (thanks to Mina) did some decent homemade headshots and got a list of talent agencies from the Backstage website.
I also sent my info to a load of places online that seemed pretty legit. Well apparently “pretty legit” is not legit.
So a few weeks ago I got a voice mail message from a vaguely named acting agency.
The message went something like this:
“Hey Lena!! How are you?! It’s Brad from (Vague Name) Agency. I just wanted to let you know we want you to play a part in the new Twilight film. You know, the fifth one? Anyway we have JUST the part for you! Please call me back and we will sort it out. Hope to hear from you soon!”
First off. The latest film, the one they would have been casting for, would have been the third one.
Secondly: WTF?! People actually fall for that shit?
Thirdly: What ASSHOLES! I can’t believe they can get away with lying to people like that.
So what did I do?
I called back and acted like one of the people who fell for it.
The one to pick up was just some secretary who obviously just wanted to go home. I told her I had gotten a call from Brad about starring in the next Twilight film. She didn’t know or care what I meant and asked me to make an appointment. I agreed. (Playing along with a scam can be fun as long as you know when to back out.)
So I made an appointment for a week from that day. I asked what I should bring and all that. She said I didn’t need to bring a thing.
Next up—> Googled them to see if I even wanted to go to the appt. for shits and giggles.
Google told me that when you go to the appt. you fill out a form and sign a contract and get a few photos taken. Then you pay $25 for the photos they keep of you then you never hear from them again. Because that is all they do. They call you tell you to show get you to sign the contract saying you let them keep the pics and the cash and you leave after photos to never hear from them again.
It’s perfectly legal.
FUCK THEM UP THEIR LYING ASSES!
I never went and saved myself the cab fare.
Nice Girl Mean Thoughts 
What Other People Had To Say