Tag Archives: assholes

Hello Again…again.

24 Nov

Time to start this shit up again.

OK. Let’s see what’s been bugging me as of late…

………PROCESSING “GET’S MY GOAT” MEMORY BANKS………

Oh I KNOW..

THIS ASSHOLE!

Genus: iPhone 4S Species: P.O.S.

Genus: iPhone 4S
Species: P.O.S.

I have had this phone for a few years and it served me very well in that time. But somehow by some magic circumstance JUST as the new iPhones are announced it decides to stop giving a fuck and turning off at 35% battery.

To be completely honest I don’t think it’s some kind of conspiracy where Apple has rigged all their phones to start being a pain just as the new model becomes available. I just think my phone is possessed by a demon and wants to drive me to some kind of horrible crime. This seem much more likely to me.

First I thought to exercise the demon. So I yelled at it in Spanish and threw a bible I found at it. Nothing. Then I decided to try and coax the battery stealing demon out by making some awesome chocolate chip cookies and then laying them on the counter next to some peppermint schnapps. The demon ignored the booze and the cookies and stayed in the phone…taunting me. My last attempt to beat the demon was a disastrous failure. I tried to starve it to death. No charge for 12 hours. True it died at 4 hours but I wanted to be sure it wasn’t trying to fake me out. So I gave it an extra 8 hours.

This was a disaster because since I had no phone for 1 full day I missed important texts, calls and emails. Some of which were VERY important. So the demon won. My only option was to comply and just stop fighting it and let the damn thing charge at all times it was not in use. So now like a spoiled 6 year old fat child nursing on his demented mothers teet my phone is now charging 24/7 just so I can use it once every 3 hours.

Ugh. If only I weren’t such a cheap bastard.

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Subway stair hog assholes! Photos to come.

6 Dec

Next time I see a greedy a-hole hogging the stairway (usually on their cell or smoking a cigarette) I am taking a picture and posting it here. Wait to see the a-hole. Hopefully no one you know.

Bad parents should have to hand over their reproductive organs.

2 Apr

There are many things that piss me off. Obviously enough things to have compelled me to create this blog.

One of these many things is seen below in a crappily photoshopped image I did (with the help of Mike).

Observe:

A few weeks ago I noticed a baby in a strolled sucking down a can of Coca-Cola. What the fuck?! This was not the first time I’d seen it either, but it was the first time I saw it and had a blog where I could share my disgust for shitty parenting.

How is there not mandatory sterilization? People should have to take a general knowledge test before they get to pop one out. Question 1 could say, “Do you feed the baby regularly? Yes or No.” Question 2, “Do you give the baby baths and clean it? Yes or No.” Question 3, “Is a drink with excessive chemicals and dissolvents ok to give your baby? Yes or No.” If they can’t get past question 3 without a wrong answer than they are sterilized. End of discussion, hand over your reproductive organs.

Grownups and kids of a certain age CAN have soda, they know the risks and their bodies are pretty much starting to rot already anyway. No use fighting nature and all. But babies are in production, still growing and developing all kinds of crap they will have to worry about maintaining later in life. Give them a clean start God damn it.

‘Nuff said.

Holy Shit…

17 Nov

that poor son of a tuna.

There needs to be is an age limit…

20 Sep

for strollers.

I’ve done a tiny bit of research (googled stroller age limits for less than 30 seconds) and decided that no child should be older than 5.

Many moms online say their kids were in their strollers up until they were 7.

7?!! SEVEN YEARS OLD?! And in a STROLLER?

Look at this lazy kid. He can’t even keep food in his mouth much less get around with out Mommy or Daddy pushing his preteen butt around.

Get your lazy butt out of that stroller and walk, you chubby little snot.

Get your lazy butt out of that stroller and walk, you chubby little snot.

F.Y.I. I am terrible at guessing children’s ages. The photo could be of a 3-year-old for all I know.

Kristen Stewart is a…

20 Sep

miserable twat.

I saw her at Comic Con in San Diego this year and she looked like she would have rather been eaten by rats than be there.

Get that stick out of your ass.

Get that stick out of your ass.

She has that “I hate my success” vibe to her. Get over it, Kristen.

Canvassers who…

19 Sep

leave garbage on my street from their day of standing there and pestering pedestrians to vote for their candidate burst my bubble (in a mean angry way).

W(ho)TF do you think you are, messy canvasser?

I wonder what would happen if I call the candidate’s office and complain? Explaining that my future vote will never go to them due to their canvasser’s lack of concern for my neighborhood. I might even tell the office I was going to call a news channel regarding my concern for the candidate’s true affection for my neighborhood. THEN would they care?

Sadly, I am too much of a lazy ass to really do any of that. I would rather bitch online.

Enjoy the photo I took of a fellow concerned citizen:

I know! I think they need to clean it up too.

I know! I think they need to clean it up too.