Tag Archives: dirty

8 Things I Wish I Never Knew. (Warning: Very Very Gross)

6 Sep

Some of these will not be explained for your own benefit. But if you are curious Google is the Gate Keeper of all thing gross and wonderful alike.

1. Jell-o contains gelatin which is made from the ground bones and hides of horses, cows and pigs. Not only Jell-o but a load of common yummys are made with gelatin. Most non-chocolate candies in fact. Many gel capped pills too. Actually it’s in just about everyother thing we use. See for yourself: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gelatin

2. Two Girls and a Cup- You don’t have to see it to feel the urge to vomit for eternity. You just have to find out what it is.

3. Bukkake-What a mess. Ugh. There has GOT to be a better use of all that. Seems a waste. Maybe as glue or something. I don’t know.

4. Bee spit mixed with pollen later vomited out is called honey. You know you love it.

5. There are tiny little mites that live in all of our eyebrows and eyelashes. They feed on the oils produced from our hairs. At night they migrate down to our eyes and suck the juice from our night tears. LOL. Night tears. Sounds like a crappy 80’s song.

6. Smell is particulate. This means that every time you smell a fart the particles from that person’s ass just floated their way into your nose. You might as well have just shoved your nose up their ass.

7. Hotel beds are petri dishes. Top sheets (bed covers) are very rarely changed between guests. You can clone a few dozen people from the DNA left on the one you used last time you stayed in a hotel. Maybe best to take it off and put it on the floor for the remainder of your stay.

8. When I was born I came out of my mother’s vagina. Same goes for you, buddy. Unless of course you were too big to fit out of there. Than you were sliced out like Bella Swan’s kid, without the vampires ripping open the womb with their teeth part.

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A Look at Some Hilariously Crappy Hand Tattoos

14 Jul

Let’s not kid ourselves. Can you think of one hand tattoo you’ve seen that looked good/tasteful? Thought not.

So let’s celebrate the stupidity of strangers and take a peek at some trashy tats:

*****SCROLL OVER IMAGES FOR MY SEMI-FUNNY COMMENTS*****

First let’s see some “Look Ma I Can Spell” tattoos:

Now let’s check out some of the “Give Me Any Excuse To Give The Finger So I Can Flash My New Tat” tattoos:

That sure was educational wasn’t it? Now let’s check out some of those nifty “Random Images Between My Fingers That Makes Me More Interesting” tattoos:

Now on to the dumb hipster side of town: The “Mustache” Tattoo:

Next up is the romantical and classic: The “Wedding Ring” Tattoo:

Take a peak at the “I’m a Badass. No, Really!” Tattoos:

This concludes our tour of shittylicious hand tattoos from around the world. Now if you still want one than be sure to be extra sure it’s awesome or you will be screwed and if you post a photo of it later online I might end up reposting it here and laughing at your bad judgment.

Toodles!

Things that gross me out to no end:

2 Nov

In no particular order…

1. Food particles in one’s beard:

Room for seconds?

2. Mounds of dirt under fingernails ((especially when I have to exchange something with that person (although oddly the dirt doesn’t deter me away enough to not accept money from them. Weird, huh?))

Where is the hand sanitizer?

3. People who cut their finger nails waaay too short. They almost look like E.T. fingers. (Shudder)

Oh god. He's touching the kid's face with his gross creepy finger.

4. Other people’s computer keyboards. Especially if they are dirty/sticky or moist. Come on people! Clean those boards!

I think that keyboard has the Ebola Virus.

Canvassers who…

19 Sep

leave garbage on my street from their day of standing there and pestering pedestrians to vote for their candidate burst my bubble (in a mean angry way).

W(ho)TF do you think you are, messy canvasser?

I wonder what would happen if I call the candidate’s office and complain? Explaining that my future vote will never go to them due to their canvasser’s lack of concern for my neighborhood. I might even tell the office I was going to call a news channel regarding my concern for the candidate’s true affection for my neighborhood. THEN would they care?

Sadly, I am too much of a lazy ass to really do any of that. I would rather bitch online.

Enjoy the photo I took of a fellow concerned citizen:

I know! I think they need to clean it up too.

I know! I think they need to clean it up too.

Hotel Soap: A Warning

11 Sep

is your enemy. It may be useful if you’ve forgotten your own soap. BUT using is will bite you in the ass in the end.

This malicious soap tricks its user by cleaning successfully then once the user learns to trust the soap he or she will make the deadly mistake of using it on their face.

Oh woe is you face washed by the trickster hotel soap.

See, the hotel soap dries the shit out of your skin. There are no oils in hotel soap that replace the oils you wash off with said soap. The thing is you don’t notice this when you use it to wash your body. This is where the soap gains your trust. (bastard)

Anyway…

So you then use the soap to wash your face once you realize it’s a good soap. Once the shower or bath is complete you evacuate the tub and dry off feeling clean and refreshed.

A few moments later you will likley look into a mirror and observe your beautiful face and BAM!!!!

Your face is as dry and cracked as Raddlesnake’s ass.

WTF happened?

The fuck happened was you used the vicious hotel soap on your face, stupid! It raped your face of oils and nutrients and did not supplement them with ones on the soap. Why you ask?

Because hotels are too cheap to pay $0.10 more a bar.

The lesson for the day is to being your own face soap to hotels or your face will never forgive you.