Tag Archives: girls

8 Things I Wish I Never Knew. (Warning: Very Very Gross)

6 Sep

Some of these will not be explained for your own benefit. But if you are curious Google is the Gate Keeper of all thing gross and wonderful alike.

1. Jell-o contains gelatin which is made from the ground bones and hides of horses, cows and pigs. Not only Jell-o but a load of common yummys are made with gelatin. Most non-chocolate candies in fact. Many gel capped pills too. Actually it’s in just about everyother thing we use. See for yourself: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gelatin

2. Two Girls and a Cup- You don’t have to see it to feel the urge to vomit for eternity. You just have to find out what it is.

3. Bukkake-What a mess. Ugh. There has GOT to be a better use of all that. Seems a waste. Maybe as glue or something. I don’t know.

4. Bee spit mixed with pollen later vomited out is called honey. You know you love it.

5. There are tiny little mites that live in all of our eyebrows and eyelashes. They feed on the oils produced from our hairs. At night they migrate down to our eyes and suck the juice from our night tears. LOL. Night tears. Sounds like a crappy 80’s song.

6. Smell is particulate. This means that every time you smell a fart the particles from that person’s ass just floated their way into your nose. You might as well have just shoved your nose up their ass.

7. Hotel beds are petri dishes. Top sheets (bed covers) are very rarely changed between guests. You can clone a few dozen people from the DNA left on the one you used last time you stayed in a hotel. Maybe best to take it off and put it on the floor for the remainder of your stay.

8. When I was born I came out of my mother’s vagina. Same goes for you, buddy. Unless of course you were too big to fit out of there. Than you were sliced out like Bella Swan’s kid, without the vampires ripping open the womb with their teeth part.

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The thing about child beauty pageants…

16 Jul

is that they are super fucked up!! These parents are 100x worse than child actor parents. At least the child actor parents don’t sell the kids as adults. I mean who really thinks a kid should look like this? (Other than a pedo, obviously.):

***Scroll over the tiara’s carriage for a hateful yet all too true message. :)***

These poor girls get their teeth bleached (or wear false teeth over their own growing in teeth), wear wigs, bleach, highlight, dye and fry their hair, spray tan, pluck/shave/wax their eyebrows, wear false eyelashes, as well a thick ass layer of whore-like makeup (what?), practice their walk and “talent” sometimes 2 hours a day with their obsessive controlling overbearing mothers who force their dreams into their children’s heads, and eventually these girls learn to become unbearable control freak nightmare children who will very very very unlikely reach the goal of being either Ms. America or taking over Angelina Jolie’s spot in Hollywood after the government finds out Angie adopts the kids so she can milk the life force out of them and stay young and beautiful forever.

*** Scroll over money wasted for more “humor”***

Let’s look at the money aspect:

The training/coach costs about $1000

The makeup costs about $100

The dress costs about $400-$5000

Spray tan, manicure, teeth bleach or fake teeth (aka flippers) costs about $500

Entering a pageant costs about $1000

Travel/hotel probably about $300-$2000

Costing on the low side an average of $3300 for the girl’s first pageant.  Then the high side is about…$9600. Note that the average first timer would likely splurge their first time to insure the best for the child and end up spending like there is no tomorrow. Now how many pageants a year do you think the average girl goes to? Based on what I have heard from a teen pageant contestant back in the day, the average child beauty contestant enters about 10 a year. The heavy hitters go to probably 20-30 a year.

That would mean on average the family would spend about $63000. With the super crazies spending $18,9000. HOLY SHIT!!

The worst part of it all it that it’s just a fucking scam so these pageants can get your money no matter what happens. Think about it. What do you win? You win a $50 crown and maybe if your lucky a cash prize or scholarship worth a few hundred. The teen pageants are more lucrative for the contestants though. But we’re talking kids’ competitions here. The confidence and fun aspect is good and all but I would think that if the parents put that money to horse riding classes or jujitsu classes or even dance classes the girl would end up being much more emotionally and mentally balanced. Plus when she grows up she will likely be the type of personality many of us normal folks wanna choke. Nip it in the bud. (Not in the pedo way.)

And why do the kid’s division pageant judges seem to be mostly older heavy ladies? WTF is up with that? Guess they were the H.S. teasees who grew up and decided if they couldn’t be hotties they could tell little potential future hotties they just aren’t good enough. What a sick sick revenge. Genius!

Not to mention many of their names are like: Aniston, Kaylee, Boston, Keanna, Teeghan, and Sesame. I made that last one up but you get the point, right?

Another thing: Who attends these competitions? Are there huge crowds awaiting the final winner like American Idol? No. It’s mostly just the parents and friends. So what does that say? It says no one cares but you because it’s freaking dumb and a waste of time and cruel to the future development of the girls. That and it is a really long ceremony and it’s a bit boring.

Who else attends CHILD BEAUTY pageants? Let’s think…who would be interented in little girls dressed up competeing to be the cutest among a bunch of young adorable dimple faced girls, where they dance, wear bathing suits and blow kisses into the crowd with a big smile? Hmmmm…? Oh I know…PEDOS!

Rihanna has ripped off Tank Girl!!

31 Jan

Check out her latest video for her single titled : “Hard”.

Now take a look at this video of Tank Girl:

Just to be clear: Rihanna’s video is a glam rip off of the original Tank Girl style from the comic and the film. What do you think?