Tag Archives: joke

Offensive words that are fun to say…

4 Aug

as long as you don’t think too much about their meanings or how terrible they make people feel. These words roll off the tongue like mean offensive rhythmic melodies sung from a cruel racist, sexist bigot named Buck. Not that all Bucks are racist…let’s move on before I talk myself into a black hole.

Note: I don’t condone saying these words unless you’re only saying them to laugh at how fun they are to say. They’re awful. (Spit, spit.)

Let’s begin:

pikey

queef

honkey

fanny

twat

maricon

tittard (Just made that one up. Go me.)

guido

bible beater

mafiosi

Comic Conventions: Pros vs. Fans

1 Apr

Fans pack a few cans of Pepsi for hydration, a Snickers bar for energy, and hand sanitizer for hygiene.

Pros pack drawing pens for sketches, fresh sharpies for autographs and cell phones to pretend they’re busy if they want to be left alone.

Fans’ post-convention evening festivities include unloading all the freebies and purchased treasures from the day and spreading them all over their hotel beds, followed by grabbing some grub at the local diner and discussing who saw who drawing what, and finally, following big name pros to the “industry only” bar and hitting on chicks there who are still in costume from day’s con.

Pros’ post-convention evening festivities include consuming the free happy hour drink at their hotels’ bars followed by dinner at a nice steakhouse with fellow industry buddies, then finding out where all the other industry people have gone to for after dinner drinks and finally hitting on chicks at the bar still in costume from day’s con.

Fans’ key moments at conventions include getting a sketch from the biggest name they can afford, meeting one of the actors from Battlestar Galactica, and taking a picture of a real life slave Leia.

Pros’ key moments at con include being paid well for sketches by adoring fans, meeting one of the actors from Battlestar Galactica and taking a few pictures of slave Leia, Power Girl, Ms. Marvel, Tigra, and that chick with the orange crotch suspenders from Fifth Element.

Fans’ nemeses include broken ATM’s, closed freebie lines and being looked at with unfettered disdain as they plow down toddlers to buy a raffle ticket for the Stan “The Man” Lee signing.

Pros’ nemeses include running into their editors, forgetting popup banners they JUST got made, and running out of hand sanitizer minutes before a repugnantly moist fan comes in for a handshake.

And now an awesome gift from Mike bought at a convention:

Am I the only one who…

26 Sep

occasionally looks to my side at the invisible studio audience/TV audience of my life and give them “that look” when someone or something worth looking at the audience occurs?

This is my "please sympathize with me, invisible/nonexistent audience" face.

This is my "please sympathize with me, invisible/nonexistent audience" face.

I do it about once I week. Depending on the week, I guess.