Tag Archives: kids

Bank of America gives you $100 for kid tossing. Get started today!!

13 Aug

I ran into this ad on my walk to Whole Foods the other day. What else can it mean?

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Where did all the Gak go?

1 Apr

If you were alive in the USA during the 90’s, and not living in a hole in the ground, you probably loved or hated Gak. It depended on if you were a parent or not. Parent’s hated it because it smelled like toxic waste and got stuck in all the fabrics of the house. The kids loved it for the fart noises they could make by squeezing it just right and the weird solid yet liquid feel. It was like a liquid that was soft and moved in slow motion. God I miss its cold clammy embrace.

Well time moved on (as usual) and Gak became the toy everyone set aside. What replaced Gak, what stole its owner’s attention and love?

Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis and Game Boy all worked together to shatter America’s youths’ fascination with the magical slime that farted and grossed out mothers and sisters around the world. Let’s not forget Tiger’s Handheld games, for the poorerish kids. ( I may not have had a Super Nes or a Game Boy at the time, but I had about 20 Tiger Handhelds. (Well revive our love for those in a later post.))

Where has all the Gak gone to? Can it ever be found? Is it starving and wandering the city streets looking for some way to support its kids? No. Because it’s not alive. But…

…it can be found. Let me show you where:

EbAY, baby:

http://cgi.ebay.com/Flubber-Gak-Slime-Kit-BLUE-as-seen-on-MARTHA_W0QQitemZ320502759025QQcmdZViewItemQQptZLH_DefaultDomain_0?hash=item4a9f73fe71#ht_500wt_956

Oh and you can make it yourself at home without the kit thing:

http://homeschooling.gomilpitas.com/extras/Gak.htm

(It’s the first one listed, the Google ad is in the middle of it.)

So enjoy me fellow Gak lovers, and don’t even think of suing me if you screw it up and the cat eats it and dies. I never promised it was edible or wouldn’t ruin all your furniture.

Cool stuff my Mom let me get away with:

11 Nov

The good old days...

1. Drawing with crayons all over the hallway walls. Apparently she had some plan to repaint them and decided it would be nice to let me dick around with the Crayolas until she got to painting the wall over. The ” I’ll repaint in a few days, so have at it, kid.” Turned into “Wow, it’s been 5 years and I still haven’t repainted the walls. Oh well.”

2. The day she watched “Fried Green Tomatoes” for the first time. I had never torn down a wall before. We were in luck it wasn’t a load bearer. Poppy was sure pissed when he got home to see us standing over a half ripped out wall (in his office) covered in asbestos (not known to be hazardous then) howling like wild jungle women. I was about 7 years old then.

3. That time she had her friend take us to a house we were free to wrap aka throw toilet paper around while acting like wild mongeese. We didn’t know whose house it was, and we sure as hell didn’t care. Once my sister and I were done wrapping we got the sh!t scared out of us when a 7 foot giant ran out of the front door screaming with a revving chain-saw. We were in the car as fast as lightning and back home in what felt like hours. We couldn’t  stop talking about that night for months. About 5 years later we found out that the house was in fact owned by that friend who drove us there, and her boyfriend (was the 6 foot tall giant). (Side note: The house was about 5 miles away from our own.) It was all planned by my Mom. She heard my sister and I talking about wanting to wrap a house all summer long. So finally she convinced her friend and her boyfriend to play along. That was one of the coolest things anyone has ever done for me. The best part was that we didn’t have to help in the cleanup. Score!

Thank Mom!

Let’s watch that magical scene from “Fried Green Tomatoes”:

I witnessed about the first minute and a half.

(Open link in a new window to view video)

Great parenting example:

4 Nov

At a convention a few months ago I saw the following:

A kid about 6 years old who had a plastic bag tied around her neck. That’s not the worst part. The plastic bag was filled with comics and a few books. LOL! : (

The wonderful father was walking his daughter around the convention, and using her as some kind of donkey to haul all the crap  he bought at the con.

Had he bought a page at our booth I might not have cared as much, but he didn’t even buy anything from us! Ugh.

See my crappy photoshop skills again to get an idea of what I saw:

Who ya gonna call? C.P.S.!Kids aren’t mules, people!

But if they are used as such than at least use them to hold pages or a cover that you purchased from our booth.

What the FUKC is going on here?!!

1 Nov

Check out some of this years popular sexy female ADULT costumes:

Cow GirlBee LadyCool boot things.

Aaaaaaahh!!!! Kill it! Kill it!!

Does Silicone float? Something tells me she would know.

Everything seemed normal there. It has become increasingly popular to dress for Halloween as a sexy version of many characters. So these costumes are quite common nowadays. No big whoop.

Now let’s take a look at the costumes that these models’ daughters and nieces will be wearing:

WTF?! This child is a pedo's dream come true. Holy hell, Batman.Maybe I'm just old fashioned....no. No. It's not me. This is just too creepy.Where could Little Red Riding Hood get cheetah print like that?Get thee to a child's nunnery!!At least this one has sleeves.

These costumes are made for girls 8-14 years old.

‘Nuff said.

P.S. Those kid’s totally stole their poses from the grownup ladies in their costumes.

P.P.S. All the kid’s costumes are from that “Bratz” brand. The “watch your little princess turn into a ‘dollar a pop’ young lady” brand of toys and costumes.

Celebrity handlers…

21 Sep

are weird and scary and PUSHY!

I was watching the live unedited feed from CNN.com of the Emmys the other day and a funny thing unfolded in front of my eyes.

Apparently celebs have handlers with them at these types of events where press can taunt them up close and personal.

I don’t know if the handlers are provided by the Emmys or if it’s a B.Y.O.H. type deal. But either way, this is what went down:

Rob Lowe and his 2 sons were walking the red carpet through the media chain and their next stop was CNN. They were interviewed as soon as they made their way over to the CNN reporter. Then once the reporter finished the interview she was asked by the producers to reinterview Rob again. Because the interview she had just done did not make it onto the live feed. The interview was interrupted by a commercial. Now take into account that I was watching the live feed online (w/o commercials) and the producers were talking about the live feed on TV. So, the reporter asked Rob and his handler to wait 2 minutes for the commercials to end so she could redo the interview and pretend it was her first interview with him. She even told him to respond the same ways he had the first time to her questions. He agreed and talked to her and his kids while waiting to be told to restart the interview. Now… the whole time there is this big mean looking douche bag standing behind Rob and his family. This douche is his handler.

His handler is there to escort him into the building safely and make sure he isn’t mistreated by either fans or press.

I honestly didnt notice him until he told the reported she was lying about how long Rob would have to wait there until he could be reinterviewed then leave. The reported laughed and ignored him and talked to Rob. Then Rob grew impatient after a couple minutes of boring chit chat with her and he called to his handler. The handler harassed the reporter again and told Rob’s sons to never believe a reporter, and he told her to hurry the hell up. “This is Rob Lowe. You can’t hold up Rob Lowe, lady! Who do you think you are?!”

What a dick!

She smiled and asked her producers again about how long it would take and they said it would be a few more minutes and she told Rob. The handler got really pissed again and said they were going to leave. Then she said she was ready to go in 30 seconds. Rob dusted himself off and dabbed off the sweat, then waited for his mark.

Finally she reinterviewed him and acted like she JUST ran into him on the red carpet and asked the same questions and got the same answers. Then Rob, and his sons, and his douche bag handler walked away and she got ready to deal with the next interview she could get.

Jesus Christ on a cross! What a pain in the ass that all must be for each one of them. I hope to one day it will be me sweating my ass off in a $10,000 dress calling for my handler to harass and intimidate some needy reporter.

Asswipe.

Asswipe.

There needs to be is an age limit…

20 Sep

for strollers.

I’ve done a tiny bit of research (googled stroller age limits for less than 30 seconds) and decided that no child should be older than 5.

Many moms online say their kids were in their strollers up until they were 7.

7?!! SEVEN YEARS OLD?! And in a STROLLER?

Look at this lazy kid. He can’t even keep food in his mouth much less get around with out Mommy or Daddy pushing his preteen butt around.

Get your lazy butt out of that stroller and walk, you chubby little snot.

Get your lazy butt out of that stroller and walk, you chubby little snot.

F.Y.I. I am terrible at guessing children’s ages. The photo could be of a 3-year-old for all I know.