Tag Archives: New York

Rent Boys: The Musical

4 Aug

I wanna see a musical with the following plot: An old married couple rent a rent boy to pretend he is their son at a family reunion. Hilariousness ensues as he pretends he’s their son and simultaneously tries to pickup future customers (“Johns”) like Uncle Joe and Cousin Phil.

What’s a rent boy? It’s a young man prostitute. Or a male child one. Either way it’s a baby man ho.

I think it’s a genius plot. If I see it anywhere else I’m suing your ass!

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How to NEVER pay for a college textbook again…

21 May

especially if you’re a member of a SUNY college.

This is the deal. I went to college a SUNY college and was too cheap/poor to pay $200 or more a book per class so I did a bit of research and found out the following.

Go to your college library and ask if they participate in the Interlibrary Loan (ILL) program. You can borrow books/DVD’s/film/anything for longer than through your own college library and there are several “textbook only” libraries within the Interlibrary Loan program. Finally (in most cases) YOU don’t have to pay ANY late fees!! I borrowed all my necessary textbooks for a WHOLE SEMESTER every year! Even though the textbooks I borrowed (from textbook libraries around the country) did rack up mucho dinero in fines, my school paid the fines in the end, not me. The thing is that if you rent a book (or books <you can borrow several at a time>) through the program and keep it for a long enough time you will build up fines and since technically your school is borrowing the book(s) from another school, not you, your school pays the fines. After almost a semester worth of fines your school will yell at you to return the book but you will pay NO FINE! If  you have the books for extra long your school might eventually yell at you via a letter threatening to hold your grades. (Only happened once to me! And I returned the book and all was well).

I can’t guarantee the Interlibrary Loan still works this way, but give it a shot. You might save thousands. I did! I wasted the cash on beer and food.

Let’s review:

Step 1: Go to your college library and ask if they participate in Interlibrary Loan or some such program.

Step 2: If so, search the Interlibrary Loan data system for your needed textbooks.

Step 3: Ask someone at the library if you’ll be fined if the book is a week late. (Just to double check. Don’t say 4 months late, they might not like that.)

Step 4: If all is good and you get the book. Use it for class and turn it in when your done OR if you’re sent a letter by YOUR school library to return the book or you’ll get in big trouble.

Step 5: Spread the word and enjoy this system for the rest of your college career!

Wiki info: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Interlibrary_loan

Best of luck and if you get yelled at don’t tell anyone I told you to do it. No one wants to get sued.

I think I might have spotted a serial killer on the C train.

19 Apr

Let’s call him, “Mr. Serial Killer”. A few weeks ago I was taking the C train home after a fun night out on the town and I noticed that sitting directly across from me was this massive heap of a scary dude. His soulless blank expression wasn’t much to work from but his attire spoke volumes. He wore a dirty “hunting in tall grass for deer”  hooded jumpsuit and these thick black gloves and some huge ass construction worker boots that I could imagine he had gotten off a victim. It was about 63 degrees outside, so he couldn’t have been cold. The only logical conclusion was that he was returning from a night of vigorous killing. Once the train stopped at my stop I got out and noticed that he also left the train. I proceeded to do the only sensible thing I could think of and that was to follow him and take pictures. I was also trying to not get caught and killed. This was the only shot I got of him. I was nervous and kept screwing up the shot, sue me.

So my friends, this is what a serial killer looks like. Well one of them at least. Look out for him and whatever you do don’t tell him about this blog. He might hunt me down and cut my face off or something. No one wants that.

Scroll over image more funny.

Wanna see how shittily I draw?

1 Feb

When I was in college at SUNY Geneseo I drew a few cartoons for the school paper. They don’t seem as funny now.

P.S. I can only draw people from the side. I’m frontlexic.

Enjoy.

Have fun laughing at how not funny these are. I know I am. No worries, Gary Larson. Lena’s career in comic strips was over before it began.

Canal Street is made up of…

19 Nov

cheap crapily made handbags, sunglasses and watches. Everybody knows it, respects it and loves it for its providence of all that junk.

But lately it’s been infiltrated. Infiltrated by Long Island and Jersey housewives and daughters. These Juicy Couture Velour tracksuit wearing monsters are ruining it for the rest of us.

First off they don’t barter! WTF?! That’s what it’s all about Paula and Stephanie. Since they’re just paying first price asked the vendors now hate to barter with the rest of us. And because of it they allow us much less leeway than they did before the infiltration.

Secondly, these biotches are obnoxious! They arrive in these HUGE busses. I mean HUGE! And they even have handlers. Usually some shady looking dude with an eye on one his watch and the other on some cougar’s tail.

They attack like no army ever know. It’s a genuine invasion. Everyone else in the shops try to get the hell out of their way, because they know the women are thirsty for blood…and faux Louis Vuitton.

Thirdly, some of them are just plain racist. Not all of them are but I have heard several girls say things like, “This is America, speak English”… and such.

This rant is coming to a close. But next time you’re at Canal Street and you get lost in a sea of take tans and highlights remember this: If you need  help getting rid of one of their bodies, you know how to reach me.

 

I think our neighbor is possessed.

19 Nov

I hear scratching on the other side of the wall. (Earlier thought to be mice. Now thought to be the desperate scratching of a possessed hipster living across the hall.)

There are also grunt noises like that chick did in “The Exorcism of Emily Rose”. CrEePy…

I hope she doesn’t die or anything…

I have no patience for the smell of a rotting corpse seeping through the walls.

That and if she dies than the demon might try and posses me. THEN I’d be pissed!

Is it me or…

8 Nov

does the NYC Subway map look like a man’s head??

Take a look at this and tell me if you agree:

Weird....