Tag Archives: NYC

I think I might have spotted a serial killer on the C train.

19 Apr

Let’s call him, “Mr. Serial Killer”. A few weeks ago I was taking the C train home after a fun night out on the town and I noticed that sitting directly across from me was this massive heap of a scary dude. His soulless blank expression wasn’t much to work from but his attire spoke volumes. He wore a dirty “hunting in tall grass for deer”  hooded jumpsuit and these thick black gloves and some huge ass construction worker boots that I could imagine he had gotten off a victim. It was about 63 degrees outside, so he couldn’t have been cold. The only logical conclusion was that he was returning from a night of vigorous killing. Once the train stopped at my stop I got out and noticed that he also left the train. I proceeded to do the only sensible thing I could think of and that was to follow him and take pictures. I was also trying to not get caught and killed. This was the only shot I got of him. I was nervous and kept screwing up the shot, sue me.

So my friends, this is what a serial killer looks like. Well one of them at least. Look out for him and whatever you do don’t tell him about this blog. He might hunt me down and cut my face off or something. No one wants that.

Scroll over image more funny.

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I think this hole…

7 Dec

leads to a magical treasure of gold or some such. My reason for thinking this is logical: There is no visible end to the hole.

Take a closer look:

Next time I pass by I’ll drop in a penny and tell you what happens. If some leprechaun/endless hole goblin tosses it back at me I’ll pour boiling water down and see how it likes THAT!

Is Hellraiser real?

6 Dec

I found this about 3 bloocks from my apartment:

This is the mattress from the film “Hellraiser 2: Hellbound”:

Anyone think I should worry?

Don’t worry, folks. I’m ready.

I’ve seen the films.

I’ll need to find an autistic girl who looks like Brad Pitt and a nice brunette lady who’s dad was skinned by her mother in law.

https://nicegirlmeanthoughts.wordpress.com/2009/09/02/brad-pitt-as-little-girl-i-know-right/

Consider it done.

Canal Street is made up of…

19 Nov

cheap crapily made handbags, sunglasses and watches. Everybody knows it, respects it and loves it for its providence of all that junk.

But lately it’s been infiltrated. Infiltrated by Long Island and Jersey housewives and daughters. These Juicy Couture Velour tracksuit wearing monsters are ruining it for the rest of us.

First off they don’t barter! WTF?! That’s what it’s all about Paula and Stephanie. Since they’re just paying first price asked the vendors now hate to barter with the rest of us. And because of it they allow us much less leeway than they did before the infiltration.

Secondly, these biotches are obnoxious! They arrive in these HUGE busses. I mean HUGE! And they even have handlers. Usually some shady looking dude with an eye on one his watch and the other on some cougar’s tail.

They attack like no army ever know. It’s a genuine invasion. Everyone else in the shops try to get the hell out of their way, because they know the women are thirsty for blood…and faux Louis Vuitton.

Thirdly, some of them are just plain racist. Not all of them are but I have heard several girls say things like, “This is America, speak English”… and such.

This rant is coming to a close. But next time you’re at Canal Street and you get lost in a sea of take tans and highlights remember this: If you need  help getting rid of one of their bodies, you know how to reach me.

 

I think our neighbor is possessed.

19 Nov

I hear scratching on the other side of the wall. (Earlier thought to be mice. Now thought to be the desperate scratching of a possessed hipster living across the hall.)

There are also grunt noises like that chick did in “The Exorcism of Emily Rose”. CrEePy…

I hope she doesn’t die or anything…

I have no patience for the smell of a rotting corpse seeping through the walls.

That and if she dies than the demon might try and posses me. THEN I’d be pissed!

Is it me or…

8 Nov

does the NYC Subway map look like a man’s head??

Take a look at this and tell me if you agree:

Weird....

Taxi drivers…

10 Sep

who whip out a crucifix while driving down the highway at 80 miles an hour are the kinds of drivers that encourage the average taxi passanger to wear a seat belt.