Tag Archives: porn

8 Things I Wish I Never Knew. (Warning: Very Very Gross)

6 Sep

Some of these will not be explained for your own benefit. But if you are curious Google is the Gate Keeper of all thing gross and wonderful alike.

1. Jell-o contains gelatin which is made from the ground bones and hides of horses, cows and pigs. Not only Jell-o but a load of common yummys are made with gelatin. Most non-chocolate candies in fact. Many gel capped pills too. Actually it’s in just about everyother thing we use. See for yourself: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gelatin

2. Two Girls and a Cup- You don’t have to see it to feel the urge to vomit for eternity. You just have to find out what it is.

3. Bukkake-What a mess. Ugh. There has GOT to be a better use of all that. Seems a waste. Maybe as glue or something. I don’t know.

4. Bee spit mixed with pollen later vomited out is called honey. You know you love it.

5. There are tiny little mites that live in all of our eyebrows and eyelashes. They feed on the oils produced from our hairs. At night they migrate down to our eyes and suck the juice from our night tears. LOL. Night tears. Sounds like a crappy 80’s song.

6. Smell is particulate. This means that every time you smell a fart the particles from that person’s ass just floated their way into your nose. You might as well have just shoved your nose up their ass.

7. Hotel beds are petri dishes. Top sheets (bed covers) are very rarely changed between guests. You can clone a few dozen people from the DNA left on the one you used last time you stayed in a hotel. Maybe best to take it off and put it on the floor for the remainder of your stay.

8. When I was born I came out of my mother’s vagina. Same goes for you, buddy. Unless of course you were too big to fit out of there. Than you were sliced out like Bella Swan’s kid, without the vampires ripping open the womb with their teeth part.

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Restaurant Bathrooms: You Never Know What Weirdness Awaits

14 Jul

A few years ago I attended my sister’s Wedding Rehearsal Dinner in Houston, Texas. The restaurant was a nice small Italian joint near where I grew up.

The food was good and the service was swift and smart. There were about 15 of us there at the dinner. Mostly my sister’s family. Her hubby to be was from Mexico and couldn’t fly in too many family members for the event.

There was one thing about that dinner that will always be with me. No it wasn’t a toast or speech…but the bathroom. Why the bathroom you ask? Because the bathroom wallpaper consisted of cutout images of naked guys and their shlongs from Playgirl magazine and the like.

WHAT?! Yeah. I know.

So after being a bit weirded out and exiting the bathroom, I bump into my dad who was exiting the Men’s bathroom. I immediately say, “There’s porn in the bathroom!” He then tells me there are naked chicks all over the walls of the Men’s bathroom. I immediately push the Men’s door open and see he was not wrong. Hundreds of butt naked chick photos were used as wallpaper. Equal opportunity at least. Amazingly my very religious dad was not freaked out, surprised or even amused. You would think there were pics of flowers used as wallpaper based on how uninterested he was in the oddity of the situation.

What about kids? My 6 year old sister was there. (No not the one getting married. The other one…I have two, weirdo.) Is it not a bit odd to have pics of dongs or vajins surround a kid who just wants to pee and get back to eating?

Another odd thing I just realized is that no one else commented on the bathroom’s porno walls. I would assume it was a hallucination but my dad saw it too. So maybe everyone else was just too uptight to comment. LOL.

The lasagna was really good though. Mmmmm lasagna…

Anyone else been in a very oddly designed bathroom?