Tag Archives: sci fi

One of My Heroes: Full Moon Features/Charles Band

31 Mar

In 1989 Charles Band created Full Moon Productions. He wanted a production company that would churn out a horror/sci-fi film once a month(ish). The films would be made on a super low budget but still look much better than their competitors (similar low budget production companies). Through the 90’s Fullmoon was noticeably successful. The Puppet Master and Subspecies franchises kept audiences wanting more. They also put out dozens of other films which varied in success. The later 90’s into the early 2000’s saw Fullmoon lose its audience. Band renamed the company several times since 1989 and it’s now called Fullmoon Features. The company is now actually starting to bring itself back to life. Being a huge fan of the company I am super excited and would kill to work with them. HINT HINT, Mr. Band.

But really folks. You need to check out some of their best works and enjoy the goof and wonder that is the mighty and terrible Fullmoon Features. See below for a list of films from which to start your Fullmoon journey:

 

1. Castle Freak- Let’s just lay it all out on the table now so you know what you’re getting into. Like pulling a band-aid quickly. Especially if that band-aid happens to be a naked rotting castle freak wreaking havok on the new tenants.

2. Puppet Master 1- William Hickey, puppets that kill, and a sexual psychic. What more can you want? Oh…you’re looking for a puppet that vomits up leaches, too? Let’s see…You’re in luck. We have one right here. She even cuddles the victims that she’s vomiting them on.

3. Subspecies 2- In all honesty I think Gary Oldman might have taken a note or two from Radu. That whole decrepit yet enticing thing was Radu’s idea first. Also notice that the blood in this is actually really really gross. These vampires are very messy and tend to let the blood just leak out of their mouths after they take a victim. Eww.

4. Dollman vs. Demonic Toys- A 13” tall mini-cop from the future, played by Tim motherfucking Thomerson!, must rescue ”Nurse Ginger”, a mini-bimbo from the present (She was shrunk down…its a long story.) from being impregnated by a demon possessed baby doll. No one wants to give birth to the anti-christ. Not even mini-bimbos named Nurse Ginger.

 

So please check out the site of the Company and even a few of the film. I can promise you one thing: YOU WILL NEVER FORGET ANYTHING FROM FULLMOON. Even if it’s not quite your cup of tea. It’s still some tea you will never forget the taste of.

 

http://www.fullmoondirect.com/

http://www.fullmoonfeatures.com/

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Neanderthal Actors AKA Giant Skulls of Hollywood

3 Sep

Let me single out some more freaks for our amusement. Today we will be focusing on these specimens’ ginormous craniums mixed with their celebrityness. Now we begin the judging and ridicule:

Matt Smith (Current Dr. Who)

Matt Smith is the new Dr. and is still feeling his way around the universe of the show. The audience is still adjusting to Smith and the show gets mixed reviews, but over all is still loved by its fans. I was introduced to the show during the last Dr.’s reign. But still I think Matt Smith is doing a wonderful job. But DAMN he has a huge head. Right?! It’s not only a big fucking head, but his tiny mouse eyes make him look like a caveman. Luckily for Matt his head is equally huge all the way around. (Unlike our next examples.)

Conan O’Brien (America’s #1 TV Host)

The vaguely smart populous to the very smart populous all know and love Conan. He is one funny man indeed. But let’s not focus on his kick ass humor and instead lets recognize his giant eggplant shaped head. Conan has tiny eyes like Matt Smith. But his head is more top-heavy than Matt’s. We all know that curl is supposed to distract most of us from his 8 finger forehead and most of the time it works. Good thinking, Conan. Keep on keeping on.

Dolph Lundgren (80’s Movie Bad Guy)

Nice pout, Dolph! (Sarcasm). He may look like a caveman but actually he is a bit of a super genious. He speaks several languages and has a degree in chemical engineering. Surprised? I was too. Back in the 80’s Dolph was a pretty big star. He was in loads of action films. Now he is trying to pull a Mickey Rourke type comeback in a few new crappy films. Back to the giant skull part of the one way conversation: Dolph has the opposite issue as Conan. Dolph’s jaw and lower skull is about 4 sizes too big for a normal human. He looks like he could bite through a car tire no problem. Dolph’s features all match up pretty will with the rest of his face and this make him even weirder looking. With larger eyes, nose and lips to match his huge fucking head he looks like a giant or a cartoon thug from one of the very very old Superman cartoons.

Russell Brand (Wacky Comedian/Actor)

Russell is known for his personality which is very similar to (exactly like) that of Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow. They even go to the same hair dresser. Though he started as a standup comic he is now an actor of Hollywood films. He moved up the Hollywood ranks quickly and is now married to Katy (I have big boobs, see?) Perry. Head issues: Russell has a head similar to Dolph but it’s longer and therefor more noticeably mischievous looking. He looks like a children’s book villain. He is only missing a top had and coattails. His tiny tiny nose, eyes and mouth make his skull area seem even more vast. I have an idea how his nose atrophied but I’m too nice to say. Coke. Lots and loads and trucks full of coke.

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