Tag Archives: weight

Time to get my lazy ass back on track!

4 Jan

It’s that time again. Time for New Years goals about life long health alterations to live better, longer and thinner. 

These are most often broken after a few weeks or even days. But I’ve actually don’t this before and stuck with it for a few months and even once for several years. 

So join me, or don’t (whatever), on a very honest very boring journey into my fitness and diet alterations for a better, longer and thinner me.

Start date is 1/4/17.

Start weight. Ugh. Well keep that private for now. Give me a few days to get that down to my pre holiday average. Should be there in 2 days.

I will begin this path with a juice cleanse for 10 days. My version of a juice cleanse also allows for raw fruit and veg. Nothing else though. The raw food is really only allowed to avoid hunger pains and dietary boredom which can lead to breaking the whole thing off.

I plan to work out 2x a day. I hate working out at least until I get into the rhythm.

I’ll post at the end of each day with weight, meals and workout updates.

Since some people hate this type of nonsense I’ll also add a separate fun post daily having nothing to do with food etc. Something like “Who is my favorite serial killer and why?” or “What would happen if I lived a day like a character out of Always Sunny? Let’s find out!” or “RuPaul, please be my second mom and teach me to be an adult woman because you do it better than most naturally born women I know”.
Ok it’s about 3am so I’m out.

Lena.

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A Little Fat Kid Lives in My Belly

14 Sep

Meet the fat little bastard:

I have the hunger demands of a fat little boy with access to a candy shop inside a McDonald’s. Morning noon and night I crave cheeseburgers, chocolates, ice cream with cake (vanilla cake, of course), frosted animal crackers, cheese fries with ketchup, candy floss, funnel cake, hot dog with cheese sauce and cinnamon sticks with sugar dipping sauce. All at once, mind you. I thought that maybe other people might feel this way. Maybe we all crave our favorite foods 24-7, but we only eat what we can take. But let’s be realistic. When I, on occasion, give in the little fatty freaks out and makes me dive even deeper into the deep fried, candy coated rabbit hole. Once he gets a taste I lose all control and he starts pulling the strings. I call him Hauns. Hauns the fat little German kid who lives in my belly and keeps me from loosing those last few pounds. Oh Hauns. Why do you hate me so?
Hauns drawn by McKone

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The Weight Wall is Broken

3 Oct

So I will post about a lot of awesome crap I’ve seen and done since last I wrote but this particular post is about weight and the battle to not be a oinker.

January of this year I decided to buy a scale. Why you ask. Because my subconscious was trying to tell me I had gained a lot in the last couple years and didn’t even realize. Maybe if I weighed myself and saw the undeniable numbers I would stop eating junk food 10x a day. So I did. I am a curvy lady thanks to my grandmas, but not heavy. I thought at the time I weighed around 140 maximum. Well…I weighed myself that night and almost had a heart attack. It read 158.0 lbs. I was mortified. In high school I was between 140-125 (thanks to H.S. trials and tribulations my weight fluctuated often.) Action was taken immediately. I decided to start by recording my weight and what I ate in a journal every AM and before bed. This helped me see what made me gain or lose weight. Mysteriously when I ate well I lost weight. Wow, what a scientific breakthrough! This went on for a couple of months and I eventually reached 145ish. Then I decided to tackle the Master Cleanse. It worked great! It was hard as hell to stick to and I was starving all the time but it paid off. I lost another 10 lbs. This was due to the diet and my stomach having had shrunk due to so little eating while on the diet. After the cleanse I found myself eating less during the day. Though every once in a while I would visit a McDonald’s or Domino’s.

Anyway…

I eventually reached (hit) a very steady (hard) 138 lbs. wall. It was impossible to break it for months. I did not workout which makes losing weight take a million times longer, but I still ate pretty well. (Although I was having the occasional McD’s and all.) Side note: I had stopped journaling me food, but did keep doing the weight notes daily.

Again time passed and I needed to do something else to bash that damn 138 pound wall down. So I made an excel file which lets me write my my diet and weight daily. But this was much better than the book journal because I could see every day all at once. I could train myself to realize that I was eating a lot of food daily and if I ate a salad instead of fried chicken and mashed potatoes all the time I might be able to break the wall slowly.

This is a screen capture of the excel of the first 2 days:

Well so far the damn thing works better than any real diet. Because I am not at 133.0, my lowest yet since right after High School.

See that on the first day I gained 2.5 lbs in ONE DAY from eating non stop? But it was yummy. What?

I am posting this for anyone who is interested in breaking that wall. You can do it. Just keep trying. Trying and failing and then trying again is the only way you can do it. Eventually you will find how to do it for yourself.

Good luck and think healthy.

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The Cleanse: Day (Failed)

31 Jan

It was going well enough as you could see with my previous posts. But then a series of events gave me the allowance to give up and stuff my hungry face with McDonalds and any form of sugar I could wrap my calorie deprived fingers around. After about 2 weeks of shoveling crappy food down my gullet I’ve decided to stop being a pig and start some sort of diet again. This NEW diet begins tomorrow. Why tomorrow? Well its because today I had a “one for the road” meal at McDonalds. Don’t give me that look.

The diet will consist of fresh juices, fruits, veg, fish and salads. No beef, no bread or snacks, and NO SUGAR.

Anyway… I’m going to keep a record of my weight/diet/ workouts for the day and all that other crap.

Let it begin…(again):

Day 0 (Day before diet): Weigh 152. Ate hummus and baby carrots. Healthy, I know…then I at a LARGE BIG MAC…and 1/2 a cup of strawberry shake to wash it down…oink!

Walked in the Park for 10 minutes once today and been blogging and figuring out the “To Do” list for the week.

I will keep you updated.

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The Cleanse: Day Seven

10 Jan

Today I weighed in at 151.6lbs. YAY!

I did the Salt Water Flush again. This time I took my friend’s advice and used warm water. That made all the difference! I still felt a bit bloated when it was all over. I’m even feeling a bit bloated now. Not terrible just a bit gross.

Otherwise I feel normal. I definitely felt more energized while I was on the all juice part of the cleanse. Where I could drink any types of juices. That I could and plan to do much more often after this is all done.  Mango/ Strawberry/ Peach sounds to die for about now.

I planned to do this cleanse until day 20. PLANNED. Not swore to in writing. There is a possibility I might cut this cleanse a bit short (although I will 100% go longer than 15 days). I really want to get to the yummy veg and fruit juices. Plus I am getting a treadmill next week and I want to run my jiggly ass off already. Can’t do that too much when you have the strength of a 6 month premature kitten can you? We will see.

Either way the cleanse seems to be working well. I feel better and I am pretty sure a good amount of toxins and things are making their way out of me in various ways. Too much info? Sorry.

As of now I would recommend the cleanse. But I advise you that you’re stomach will shrink so much that you might not be hungry enough to have all of the lemonade. That seems to be happening to me. I’ve been drinking it, but I’m not even hungry enough to need it. But I do need the calories to live and junk.

Enjoy your happy meals, fatties!

(Too angry? Give me a break…I would trade you my left arm for a quarter pounder with cheese and a diet coke followed by a cupcake and some sourpatch kids.)

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The Cleanse: Day Six

9 Jan

Damn that soup was good.

Anyway…

So I weighed in at 152.6 today. And feel about the same. My tongue is still white. Eeww. But if I brush it the nastiness goes away for a bit.

I did my usual leg, and arm workout. I think that is as much of a workout I can muster right now. Currently I am as weak as a 6 month premature kitten. That plastic bag from American Beauty could put me in the hospital about now.

Observe Plastic Bag get siked for our brawl later:

Check ya later!

Nice Girl

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The Cleanse: Day Five

9 Jan

Sorry about not writing yesterday. I was distracted by a birthday dinner.

First off:

I weighed in at 152.6 lbs. Not really a change from the other day. But not an increase!

But I fucked up royally at the dinner and had soup. Oh the pressure!! Social anxiety and such. Oh f it. I was STARVING! I had a small bowl of chicken soup. It was one of the best thing I’d ever eaten. God bless Ta Cocina Restaurant. But DAMN them for their seductive smells and tastes.

So I effed up and I will do all I can not to do it again. Shame on me. Let’s move on.

I was informed by a friend that my mistake with the Salt Water Cleanse was rooted in my mistake in drinking it cold rather than warm. Tomorrow I will try again with warm water, and I’ll try to chug too.

Let’s see how this thing goes.

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The Cleanse: Day Four

7 Jan

SALT WATER FLUSH= EVIL UNNECESSARY PUNISHMENT

I made it this morning as directed: 1 liter of water and 1-2 tsps of uniodized sea salt.

Mixed it in my 1 liter jug and took a swig. WTF!!!!!!?? I knew it would taste like crap but it actually tastes like evil. Pure uniodized evil!

It took about 10 minutes for me to finish the liter. The evil sonofabitch liter. Eventually I finished it and I felt like I drank a liter of salt water. Which is about what I did. I laid  in bed in a fetus position fantasizing about strangling the person who created the Salt Water Flush for about a half hour. Then I jolted out of bed when a loud noise came from my gut. I ran to the bathroom and …I’ll spare you the rest of the story.

The moral of the story is that the Flush sucks a dirty trashcan full of infested something or others. I won’t do it for the rest of the cleanse. It’s not worth that kind of suffering. I think I’ll call the United Nations Security Council tomorrow.

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The Cleanse: Day Three

6 Jan

Today was OJ and maple syrup day. I tried the syrup before adding it to the 2 liters of juice and OH MY GOD!! It’s the best thing in this universe. Maybe that’s exaggerating a little. But it’s pretty damn good.

I was tempted to just stand there and chug a few swigs before adding the 2 tbs to the OJ, but I resisted.

—

This morning I weighed in at 152.6. Geez, Louise!

Anyway…

I have felt great, no headaches, not terribly hungry. The OJ helps with that.

Regarding side effects of the cleanse:

You will develop weird gross stuff on your tongue. I have noticed it a bit already. It’s supposedly some of the toxins in you making their way out. Ewww.

The only cure is to brush your tongue and teeth often and after a few more days it will go away.

Last night I did have TERRIBLE acid. I’ve never really had it before. No wonder people bitch about it so much when they get it bad. It REALLY HURTS. I took an antacid and the problem went away. To avoid that tonight I will make sure to drink plenty of OJ right before bed.

I haven’t done my leg or arm workouts. I’ll do them as soon as I’m done typing this sucker out.

There are other obvious side effects but they are a bit personal. Let’s just say I can tell the cleanse is working.

So go and enjoy your yummy solid food and laugh at my trials of pain, torture and burger deprivation. I’ve got leg lifts to do while cursing at myself under my breath.

Outtie 5000,

Nice Girl

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The Cleanse: Day Two

5 Jan

Today is step 2: Juices!

I bought a juicer online…but it hasn’t arrived yet. So I decided to use a regular blender instead. This sort of worked. I’ll explain in a sec.

So I weighed myself after an AM shower and weighed 154. (Side note: The post from yesterday had my weight from the day before yesterday. Sorry. Yesterday I weighed in at 156. So that’s an average of 2 lbs. a day.

Today I woke up feeling fine. A bit dehydrated and a tiny headache, but not gross or anything. Began the day with my first shake/ smoothie thing.

It was a mix of 2 apples, 12 pitted cherries and 10 blueberries. It was very dense due to all the pulp mixed in with it. But I drank it all up over the course of a few hours. Tasted great but was thick as hell.

For late lunch I had a drink of 20 cherries, 1/4 watermelon and a handful of blueberries. I remembered that there was a strainer in the kitchen so I strained the smoothie mix post blending a few times and got a great JUICE out of it.

I plan to have one or two more tonight. There is still some fruit left in the house and I KNOW Mike won’t touch it so I should finish it up before the ALL DAY OJ DAY begins tomorrow. I have a slight headache again. It might be due to all the sugar in the fruit OR it’s my posture when I type on the comp sitting on my bed with my neck at a 45 degree angle. Oh well.

Also to let you know I AM hungry. Even though my stomach has “food” it knows I deserve better. Some chili cheese fries and a diet coke.

Anyway…

I did some stretches today and in a few minutes I will do my leg lifts and arm weights. Maybe tomorrow I will get the balls to do some situps. We shall see. The treadmill should arrive in a few days. Yahoo!

That’s the gist of the day. Is that how you spell gist? Weird. Anyhoo…

I will keep you updated and again if I see any of you enjoying solid food you better be able to run faster than me. (You probably will be able to since the cleanse does weaken you a bit.)

Note to self: But rollerblades.

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