Tag Archives: women

Actresses with giant guns (arms)!

6 Dec

Some of these ladies might be dainty and manicured but if you piss them off they could pop your head right off your neck.

 

Angela Bassett especially in “What’s Love Got to do With it?” as Tina Turner

Madonna

Kelly Ripa AKA Regis Philbin’s puppeteer

Tara from True Blood AKA Rutina Wesley

Terminator Mom AKA Linda Hamilton

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Your Hairstylist’s Hair: Consider it Their Means of Advertising

15 Jul

If you walk into an unfamiliar salon for a nice fresh new look and the hairstylist you get has some wacky nuvo fashion hair cut that makes them look like a moron than ask to reschedule due to an unexpected birth in the family and when they take you back to the counter to reschedule say, “One sec I have to make a quick call.” Then go outside and RUN!

Nothing is worse than a shittylicious haircut that won’t even grow out well in a few weeks. Think of your potential hairstylist’s haircut as a preview of their talent. Sure they probably didn’t cut it themselves but someone they chose did, someone they judged as trust worthy and talented by using their hairstylist powers/education.

Imagine you were going to get an artist to do a portrait of you and the artist’s favorite type of art was “shit smeared on walls and called a political statement about how the government treats the homeless”. You should probably look else where for an artist to do a nice classic portrait. I won’t deny that this mode of thinking is judgmental, ever rude and kinda cruel…but it’s your portrait and if it ends up being a turd stapled to a piece of loose-leaf with your name written under it than you’re only to blame.

An artist’s tastes/judgments generally reflects their school of thought/(sometimes) talent, and more often than not (when dealing when a hairstylist) if their hair looks like shit than yours might end up the same if not worse. Why take the risk?

Think of all those funny looking haircuts you see on hairstylists in 80’s movies.(Or remember the hairstylists’ haircuts back in the 80’s (If you remember them.)) Now imagine you went to one of those hairstylists back then and asked for a trim and some layers, expecting a good haircut by today’s standards.You might end up looking like this:

—-Scroll over image.—-

Again…don’t risk your hair. It takes way too long to grow back out. Especially bangs…trust me on that one.

P.S. Especially never trust a bald hairstylist. They could be bald because their last hair cut was a mistake, and if your hairstylist can’t get a good hairstylist then they probably aren’t that good either.

Good luck!

Restaurant Bathrooms: You Never Know What Weirdness Awaits

14 Jul

A few years ago I attended my sister’s Wedding Rehearsal Dinner in Houston, Texas. The restaurant was a nice small Italian joint near where I grew up.

The food was good and the service was swift and smart. There were about 15 of us there at the dinner. Mostly my sister’s family. Her hubby to be was from Mexico and couldn’t fly in too many family members for the event.

There was one thing about that dinner that will always be with me. No it wasn’t a toast or speech…but the bathroom. Why the bathroom you ask? Because the bathroom wallpaper consisted of cutout images of naked guys and their shlongs from Playgirl magazine and the like.

WHAT?! Yeah. I know.

So after being a bit weirded out and exiting the bathroom, I bump into my dad who was exiting the Men’s bathroom. I immediately say, “There’s porn in the bathroom!” He then tells me there are naked chicks all over the walls of the Men’s bathroom. I immediately push the Men’s door open and see he was not wrong. Hundreds of butt naked chick photos were used as wallpaper. Equal opportunity at least. Amazingly my very religious dad was not freaked out, surprised or even amused. You would think there were pics of flowers used as wallpaper based on how uninterested he was in the oddity of the situation.

What about kids? My 6 year old sister was there. (No not the one getting married. The other one…I have two, weirdo.) Is it not a bit odd to have pics of dongs or vajins surround a kid who just wants to pee and get back to eating?

Another odd thing I just realized is that no one else commented on the bathroom’s porno walls. I would assume it was a hallucination but my dad saw it too. So maybe everyone else was just too uptight to comment. LOL.

The lasagna was really good though. Mmmmm lasagna…

Anyone else been in a very oddly designed bathroom?

Rihanna has ripped off Tank Girl!!

31 Jan

Check out her latest video for her single titled : “Hard”.

Now take a look at this video of Tank Girl:

Just to be clear: Rihanna’s video is a glam rip off of the original Tank Girl style from the comic and the film. What do you think?

Europeans: The sexes switch hairstyles.

9 Dec

Ever walk down the street in NYC or any big city where European tourist visit? Or ever just been to Europe?

Well did you notice the hair styles of the average hip European? This is not true with every European, just the hipster equivalent.

This is what you might have seen:

Or this:

My point is this:

I have noticed that it is much more common in Europe for hipster type men to have traditional women’s haircuts and hipster type women to have men’s. And considering how tall and lean some of these people are it can be confusing when you see them from behind.

A few weeks ago I noticed a couple walking ahead of me. I could tell they were French because they were speaking French. I remember thinking I liked the woman’s boots. They were brown leather with cool straps. Then when they crossed the street I realized they were his boots, not hers. Well maybe he borrowed them that day. But what I mean is that she was a he, and he was a she.

Don’t get me wrong I have no issue with how people wear their hair. I don’t give a hot damn. It’s just that I’ve noticed that Europeans seem to be the ones who switch traditional hair styles more than anyone else.

The end.

Cool stuff my Mom let me get away with:

11 Nov

The good old days...

1. Drawing with crayons all over the hallway walls. Apparently she had some plan to repaint them and decided it would be nice to let me dick around with the Crayolas until she got to painting the wall over. The ” I’ll repaint in a few days, so have at it, kid.” Turned into “Wow, it’s been 5 years and I still haven’t repainted the walls. Oh well.”

2. The day she watched “Fried Green Tomatoes” for the first time. I had never torn down a wall before. We were in luck it wasn’t a load bearer. Poppy was sure pissed when he got home to see us standing over a half ripped out wall (in his office) covered in asbestos (not known to be hazardous then) howling like wild jungle women. I was about 7 years old then.

3. That time she had her friend take us to a house we were free to wrap aka throw toilet paper around while acting like wild mongeese. We didn’t know whose house it was, and we sure as hell didn’t care. Once my sister and I were done wrapping we got the sh!t scared out of us when a 7 foot giant ran out of the front door screaming with a revving chain-saw. We were in the car as fast as lightning and back home in what felt like hours. We couldn’t  stop talking about that night for months. About 5 years later we found out that the house was in fact owned by that friend who drove us there, and her boyfriend (was the 6 foot tall giant). (Side note: The house was about 5 miles away from our own.) It was all planned by my Mom. She heard my sister and I talking about wanting to wrap a house all summer long. So finally she convinced her friend and her boyfriend to play along. That was one of the coolest things anyone has ever done for me. The best part was that we didn’t have to help in the cleanup. Score!

Thank Mom!

Let’s watch that magical scene from “Fried Green Tomatoes”:

I witnessed about the first minute and a half.

(Open link in a new window to view video)