Tag Archives: WTF

Bad parents should have to hand over their reproductive organs.

2 Apr

There are many things that piss me off. Obviously enough things to have compelled me to create this blog.

One of these many things is seen below in a crappily photoshopped image I did (with the help of Mike).

Observe:

A few weeks ago I noticed a baby in a strolled sucking down a can of Coca-Cola. What the fuck?! This was not the first time I’d seen it either, but it was the first time I saw it and had a blog where I could share my disgust for shitty parenting.

How is there not mandatory sterilization? People should have to take a general knowledge test before they get to pop one out. Question 1 could say, “Do you feed the baby regularly? Yes or No.” Question 2, “Do you give the baby baths and clean it? Yes or No.” Question 3, “Is a drink with excessive chemicals and dissolvents ok to give your baby? Yes or No.” If they can’t get past question 3 without a wrong answer than they are sterilized. End of discussion, hand over your reproductive organs.

Grownups and kids of a certain age CAN have soda, they know the risks and their bodies are pretty much starting to rot already anyway. No use fighting nature and all. But babies are in production, still growing and developing all kinds of crap they will have to worry about maintaining later in life. Give them a clean start God damn it.

‘Nuff said.

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Canal Street is made up of…

19 Nov

cheap crapily made handbags, sunglasses and watches. Everybody knows it, respects it and loves it for its providence of all that junk.

But lately it’s been infiltrated. Infiltrated by Long Island and Jersey housewives and daughters. These Juicy Couture Velour tracksuit wearing monsters are ruining it for the rest of us.

First off they don’t barter! WTF?! That’s what it’s all about Paula and Stephanie. Since they’re just paying first price asked the vendors now hate to barter with the rest of us. And because of it they allow us much less leeway than they did before the infiltration.

Secondly, these biotches are obnoxious! They arrive in these HUGE busses. I mean HUGE! And they even have handlers. Usually some shady looking dude with an eye on one his watch and the other on some cougar’s tail.

They attack like no army ever know. It’s a genuine invasion. Everyone else in the shops try to get the hell out of their way, because they know the women are thirsty for blood…and faux Louis Vuitton.

Thirdly, some of them are just plain racist. Not all of them are but I have heard several girls say things like, “This is America, speak English”… and such.

This rant is coming to a close. But next time you’re at Canal Street and you get lost in a sea of take tans and highlights remember this: If you need  help getting rid of one of their bodies, you know how to reach me.

 

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Troll legs…

3 Nov

happen to the best of us. It’s when you have a very large round body and stick thin legs that must use magic to keep your body up.

One terribly photoshopped example.

I wonder if there is some kind of Troll Leg support group out there?

Awww. Bless ’em.

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What the FUKC is going on here?!!

1 Nov

Check out some of this years popular sexy female ADULT costumes:

Cow GirlBee LadyCool boot things.

Aaaaaaahh!!!! Kill it! Kill it!!

Does Silicone float? Something tells me she would know.

Everything seemed normal there. It has become increasingly popular to dress for Halloween as a sexy version of many characters. So these costumes are quite common nowadays. No big whoop.

Now let’s take a look at the costumes that these models’ daughters and nieces will be wearing:

WTF?! This child is a pedo's dream come true. Holy hell, Batman.Maybe I'm just old fashioned....no. No. It's not me. This is just too creepy.Where could Little Red Riding Hood get cheetah print like that?Get thee to a child's nunnery!!At least this one has sleeves.

These costumes are made for girls 8-14 years old.

‘Nuff said.

P.S. Those kid’s totally stole their poses from the grownup ladies in their costumes.

P.P.S. All the kid’s costumes are from that “Bratz” brand. The “watch your little princess turn into a ‘dollar a pop’ young lady” brand of toys and costumes.

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Am I the only one who…

26 Sep

occasionally looks to my side at the invisible studio audience/TV audience of my life and give them “that look” when someone or something worth looking at the audience occurs?

This is my "please sympathize with me, invisible/nonexistent audience" face.

This is my "please sympathize with me, invisible/nonexistent audience" face.

I do it about once I week. Depending on the week, I guess.

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Carson Daly has a HUGE…

25 Sep

forehead.

My boyfriend, Mike, put it best when he said Carson was a “hammerhead”.

Carson himself:

Did someone squish your cheeks until your forehead expanded?

Did someone squish your cheeks until your forehead expanded?

Oh and he’s a prick as well.

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Babies in backpacks…

25 Sep

WTF?!!

The modern mom with her cargo kid.

The modern mom with her cargo kid.

This is the modern age and all but …come on! I suspect the next stage is a baby hip holster. Where the baby is in a very reinforced leather and steel fanny pack that is placed on the hip rather than the fanny.

Sort of like this:

The future of "baby cargo".

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I have too much…

24 Sep

time on my hands.

Waaaaaay too much time.

The shoes make him look like a person. Ha.

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Soy milk and instant pudding…

24 Sep

don’t mix well.

Or at all.

I wasted a whole packet of instant pudding the other day when I made the mistake of using soy milk instead of regular milk. Being lactose intolerant I thought it would be fancy cool of me to be able to enjoy my lovely instant pudding recipe without the pain in the belly side effects that usually follow. After mixing them and waiting about an hour I was sadly disappointed and very pissed off. The concoction I’d created resembled only pudding mixed with water. Not creamy luscious pudding.

Later, I googled “soy milk and instant pudding” and found out it was a failure of a recipe because there are not enough solids in soy milk.

SOLIDS? Ewww.

The fat in milk is what makes the instant pudding turn into pudding. Of course that little fact is from some dude living in his mom’s basement. (Probably.)

Why can't you two get along?

Why can't you two get along?

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