Day 3: The Cleanse

7 Jan

My sister came to visit for the weekend and I was worried that would put me at risk of eating like an animal again. Then I rembered she eats like a bird on a diet so I was fine. (No offense, Kile.) 

We went to a great Thai place down the street and I had a salad with very very light peanut sauce and some edamame. So I was doing great. Except the half a cannof Diet Coke. Ugh. It’s just soooo hard to give up everything all at once. But it wasn’t a full can so I still left happyish with myself.

I later had a banana for a midnight snack.

That wasn’t much food for the day but I did wake up around 2:30pm. So I plan to sleep like a normal human tonight and wake up around 11am. This should give me plenty of time to have a wider range of juices and food.

Weight tonight was 169.4lbs

Disappointing but understandable since I have been sleeping terribly the last few days. 

Tomorrow night I expect to be around 168 or less. 

We also walked around Downtown Burbank for a good hour or more. That was fun. My sister was not very impressed with what Downtown Burbank has to offer but she liked the tacos she picked up on the way back.

Oh and she also hated my new Hedghog suit. She said I look ridiculous. I proceeded to tell her ‘thank you for your opinion but you can fuck right off’. 


Tomorrow should be fun. We’re getting massages!! My favorite!

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Are these the same person?: Celebrity Edition

6 Jan

Have you seen ‘Bloodline’? It’s great, watch it. It’s a Netflix drama centering around a well off Florida family with a few too many secrets. Great writing and cast.

Speaking of the cast. There is this guy: 

Ben Mendelsohn

He plays one of the brothers that stirs up trouble in ‘Bloodline’.

Now this post is about people I’ve seen in two different places that look a lot alike to me.

So tonight I binged ‘My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding’. That is also amazing for the exact opposite reasons of ‘Bloodline’. Their weddings are ridiculous. In a terrible and wonderful way. Check that show out too.

Anyway there was a mom on the show being interviewed because her 15 year old daughter was just wed. Yeah 15. 
So let me know if you agree. I think it’s pretty close. Hair and skin tones are different but I not to far off.


That’s all. Have a good day!

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Day 2: The Cleanse

6 Jan

Let’s just start by saying I’ll go to the end of the earth to help other people but most times I would even lift a finger for myself. Unless it’s something vital or cake related.

But if someone ask for something I’ll usually help but when I set goals or ask myself favors I usually tell myself to fuck off and ask someone who cares.

With that said: I have been on my cleanse all day. But I may have altered it a tiny bit so I can still do it without running out to get a burger.

I got some freeze dried fruits and also some dried mango and advacado. I had the dried mango with spices on it. It was magical. Then the crushed advacado with some salt. Salt and spices are the bendable pieces I altered to the original plan.

When I get back to work Monday I plan to have coffees too just to survive as well. With soy milk.

The things I will not have at all:

  1. Meat
  2. Cheese
  3. Bread
  4. Fried foods
  5. Any junk food
  6. Any candy
  7. Any other sweets or cookies or cakes etc
  8. Ice cream
  9. Dairy of any kind

That’s the main thing.
I MAY steam some veggies but that’s all. No butter or anything else on them.

I venture to say I can last more than 10 days with those limits but we shall see for sure.

My weight at the end of day 2: 170lbs (ugh!!)

My goal weight: 125lbs


Oh and I got the best thing ever today

A Hedgehog Kigurumi suit. It’s adorable. And the most comfortable thing ever. I’m very tempted to wear it to work. Maybe I can get some kind of pajama day thing going on and wear it then.

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The Decline of Crayons

5 Jan

A few more nuts ago I bought a fresh set of Crayola crayons for this awesome coloring book I bought at Walgreens.

I was so excited to pour back into an old childhood pastime I loved to deeply back in the day.

Finally I got home and set up a very zen coffee table space with a snack, tea and laid everything out. I took a breath and was ready to go.

I opened the fresh pack of crayons and then sought out the perfect page. After a few minutes I found it. I was ready to begin. I picked out a nice red and began.

After half a second of drawing I was in shock. The crayon was garbage. For I minute I thought it must be me. Or just this one crayon. I switched to a green. No. No. Noooo!

It wasn’t me. The cheap bastards at Crayola have changed the recipe. The best crayons ever are now as shitty as those you get for free at TGIFridays. The new Crayola crayons are waxy and almost greasy. They don’t imprint the color like they used to. 

I remember the old Crayolas from when I was 12 or younger and those colors were BOLD on the paper. Now the colors are almost transparent over the paper. It’s gross.

I’m going to find out what these monsters did to my crayons and I’m going to get answers. There was most likely some kind of cost savings that prompted the change but I don’t care. I want my crayons back!!

Oh and it’s not just me:

http://i.fluther.com/88497/has-anyone-noticed-the-change-in-crayons/

This may lead to some answers:

http://www.beasleyallen.com/news/safety-alert-over-crayola-crayons/

Day 1: My Cleanse

5 Jan

I’m on vacation until the 9th of this month so most of my day is spent sleeping. This helps a lot when you’re avoiding food.

Today I had a glass of fresh squeezed OJ, a dozen or so cherries, a peach and a bag of protein chips. That last one technically was against my rules but since this is my cleanse I’ll allow it. Ha. They were super healthy and delicious.

I’ll post weights starting tomorrow on day 2. But I did drop 2.5lbs from last night. So that’s cool.

I also bought a ton of fruit and veg today to make life easier.

Wish me luck!

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Albert Fish: The Worst of the Worst

4 Jan

‘Albert’ Hamilton Fish was a serial killer in the 1920’s through the 1930’s.

You can google him for the morbid details if you’re curious. I’ll spare the more delicate readers.

Some of the lighter highlights included shoving pins and needles up his arse and killing and cooking then eating humans. Yes that is the lighter stuff. It’s how and to whom he would do these things that made him the most vile of all people.


He even looked like a old evil man witch. 

There was a rumor that he broke the electric chair used in his electrocution due to all the pins and needles still inbedded in his rear.

Oddly he was thought to be a loving  father to his own children. He did not pay the same respect to other children though.

Ok that’s enough grimness for one post. Google him if you’re intrested in true crime. Otherwise watch this video to reset your mood back to pleasantness.

Puppies!!!

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Time to get my lazy ass back on track!

4 Jan

It’s that time again. Time for New Years goals about life long health alterations to live better, longer and thinner. 

These are most often broken after a few weeks or even days. But I’ve actually don’t this before and stuck with it for a few months and even once for several years. 

So join me, or don’t (whatever), on a very honest very boring journey into my fitness and diet alterations for a better, longer and thinner me.

Start date is 1/4/17.

Start weight. Ugh. Well keep that private for now. Give me a few days to get that down to my pre holiday average. Should be there in 2 days.

I will begin this path with a juice cleanse for 10 days. My version of a juice cleanse also allows for raw fruit and veg. Nothing else though. The raw food is really only allowed to avoid hunger pains and dietary boredom which can lead to breaking the whole thing off.

I plan to work out 2x a day. I hate working out at least until I get into the rhythm.

I’ll post at the end of each day with weight, meals and workout updates.

Since some people hate this type of nonsense I’ll also add a separate fun post daily having nothing to do with food etc. Something like “Who is my favorite serial killer and why?” or “What would happen if I lived a day like a character out of Always Sunny? Let’s find out!” or “RuPaul, please be my second mom and teach me to be an adult woman because you do it better than most naturally born women I know”.
Ok it’s about 3am so I’m out.

Lena.

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These Two People Look Creepily Alike: Celebrity Edition 2

7 Dec

DRACO MALFOY from ‘HARRY POTTER’ and VELDA’S DAUGHTER from ‘TROOP BEVERLY HILLS’

This one is pretty intense. Brace yourselves.

I TOLD YOU SO. Screen Shot 2014-12-07 at 10.26.04 PM Draco_Malfoy_(Year_2) Screen Shot 2014-12-07 at 10.26.21 PM

Draco-Malfoy-draco-malfoy-14389740-464-500 Screen Shot 2014-12-07 at 10.26.38 PM

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Possible Future Tattoos. Because I’m sure you’re all dying to know. Ha!

28 Nov

POSSIBLE TATTOOS blackdominabig__28794_zoom color,diamond,gem,illustration,jewel,stone,watercolor-d11343d5af45956245231ad49a365232_m diamond_somogyi_640 Slide1 mystique-adam-hughes-comiquette-1 4542336516_da80855f43_z OOAK_Rubykey2 oz2_086TikTok Ozlogo1 Props_Key2 Return-to-Oz-Mombi MSDRETO WD001 tumblr_m0ftiuyQrp1qbtvl9o1_1280 Wicked-Witch-pinup-pin-up-tattoo tumblr_lv74gqWpPV1qcftsfo1_400 tumblr_lwarek2bMW1qa2vwro1_500

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Hello Again…again.

24 Nov

Time to start this shit up again.

OK. Let’s see what’s been bugging me as of late…

………PROCESSING “GET’S MY GOAT” MEMORY BANKS………

Oh I KNOW..

THIS ASSHOLE!

Genus: iPhone 4S Species: P.O.S.

Genus: iPhone 4S
Species: P.O.S.

I have had this phone for a few years and it served me very well in that time. But somehow by some magic circumstance JUST as the new iPhones are announced it decides to stop giving a fuck and turning off at 35% battery.

To be completely honest I don’t think it’s some kind of conspiracy where Apple has rigged all their phones to start being a pain just as the new model becomes available. I just think my phone is possessed by a demon and wants to drive me to some kind of horrible crime. This seem much more likely to me.

First I thought to exercise the demon. So I yelled at it in Spanish and threw a bible I found at it. Nothing. Then I decided to try and coax the battery stealing demon out by making some awesome chocolate chip cookies and then laying them on the counter next to some peppermint schnapps. The demon ignored the booze and the cookies and stayed in the phone…taunting me. My last attempt to beat the demon was a disastrous failure. I tried to starve it to death. No charge for 12 hours. True it died at 4 hours but I wanted to be sure it wasn’t trying to fake me out. So I gave it an extra 8 hours.

This was a disaster because since I had no phone for 1 full day I missed important texts, calls and emails. Some of which were VERY important. So the demon won. My only option was to comply and just stop fighting it and let the damn thing charge at all times it was not in use. So now like a spoiled 6 year old fat child nursing on his demented mothers teet my phone is now charging 24/7 just so I can use it once every 3 hours.

Ugh. If only I weren’t such a cheap bastard.

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