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Are these the same person?: Celebrity Edition

6 Jan

Have you seen ‘Bloodline’? It’s great, watch it. It’s a Netflix drama centering around a well off Florida family with a few too many secrets. Great writing and cast.

Speaking of the cast. There is this guy: 

Ben Mendelsohn

He plays one of the brothers that stirs up trouble in ‘Bloodline’.

Now this post is about people I’ve seen in two different places that look a lot alike to me.

So tonight I binged ‘My Big Fat Gypsy Wedding’. That is also amazing for the exact opposite reasons of ‘Bloodline’. Their weddings are ridiculous. In a terrible and wonderful way. Check that show out too.

Anyway there was a mom on the show being interviewed because her 15 year old daughter was just wed. Yeah 15. 
So let me know if you agree. I think it’s pretty close. Hair and skin tones are different but I not to far off.


That’s all. Have a good day!

The puppet-man of Boardwalk Empire…

20 Apr

Is it me or…

does Michael Stuhlbarg in ‘Boardwalk Empire’ look a hell of a lot like a ventriloquist dummy?

No? You don’t see it. Well how about this: Which of the below is Michael Stuhlbarg?

G F D A B C E

Got you there.

If you said:

F

You were wrong. It’s really:

C

Thanks for playing!!

Neanderthal Actors AKA Giant Skulls of Hollywood

3 Sep

Let me single out some more freaks for our amusement. Today we will be focusing on these specimens’ ginormous craniums mixed with their celebrityness. Now we begin the judging and ridicule:

Matt Smith (Current Dr. Who)

Matt Smith is the new Dr. and is still feeling his way around the universe of the show. The audience is still adjusting to Smith and the show gets mixed reviews, but over all is still loved by its fans. I was introduced to the show during the last Dr.’s reign. But still I think Matt Smith is doing a wonderful job. But DAMN he has a huge head. Right?! It’s not only a big fucking head, but his tiny mouse eyes make him look like a caveman. Luckily for Matt his head is equally huge all the way around. (Unlike our next examples.)

Conan O’Brien (America’s #1 TV Host)

The vaguely smart populous to the very smart populous all know and love Conan. He is one funny man indeed. But let’s not focus on his kick ass humor and instead lets recognize his giant eggplant shaped head. Conan has tiny eyes like Matt Smith. But his head is more top-heavy than Matt’s. We all know that curl is supposed to distract most of us from his 8 finger forehead and most of the time it works. Good thinking, Conan. Keep on keeping on.

Dolph Lundgren (80’s Movie Bad Guy)

Nice pout, Dolph! (Sarcasm). He may look like a caveman but actually he is a bit of a super genious. He speaks several languages and has a degree in chemical engineering. Surprised? I was too. Back in the 80’s Dolph was a pretty big star. He was in loads of action films. Now he is trying to pull a Mickey Rourke type comeback in a few new crappy films. Back to the giant skull part of the one way conversation: Dolph has the opposite issue as Conan. Dolph’s jaw and lower skull is about 4 sizes too big for a normal human. He looks like he could bite through a car tire no problem. Dolph’s features all match up pretty will with the rest of his face and this make him even weirder looking. With larger eyes, nose and lips to match his huge fucking head he looks like a giant or a cartoon thug from one of the very very old Superman cartoons.

Russell Brand (Wacky Comedian/Actor)

Russell is known for his personality which is very similar to (exactly like) that of Johnny Depp’s Jack Sparrow. They even go to the same hair dresser. Though he started as a standup comic he is now an actor of Hollywood films. He moved up the Hollywood ranks quickly and is now married to Katy (I have big boobs, see?) Perry. Head issues: Russell has a head similar to Dolph but it’s longer and therefor more noticeably mischievous looking. He looks like a children’s book villain. He is only missing a top had and coattails. His tiny tiny nose, eyes and mouth make his skull area seem even more vast. I have an idea how his nose atrophied but I’m too nice to say. Coke. Lots and loads and trucks full of coke.

Europeans: The sexes switch hairstyles.

9 Dec

Ever walk down the street in NYC or any big city where European tourist visit? Or ever just been to Europe?

Well did you notice the hair styles of the average hip European? This is not true with every European, just the hipster equivalent.

This is what you might have seen:

Or this:

My point is this:

I have noticed that it is much more common in Europe for hipster type men to have traditional women’s haircuts and hipster type women to have men’s. And considering how tall and lean some of these people are it can be confusing when you see them from behind.

A few weeks ago I noticed a couple walking ahead of me. I could tell they were French because they were speaking French. I remember thinking I liked the woman’s boots. They were brown leather with cool straps. Then when they crossed the street I realized they were his boots, not hers. Well maybe he borrowed them that day. But what I mean is that she was a he, and he was a she.

Don’t get me wrong I have no issue with how people wear their hair. I don’t give a hot damn. It’s just that I’ve noticed that Europeans seem to be the ones who switch traditional hair styles more than anyone else.

The end.

This is legal?

7 Dec

This is what happens when the semi-wealthy get bored…

Elisabeth Hasselbeck is…

6 Dec

like a splinter. Even after you’ve gotten it out, it itches because it’s contaminated you with germs.

Let’s observe:

Funny moment:

4 Nov

My boyfriend and I were working at a comic book convention and a few teenage girls were looking at some art on display at our table. The girls were chatting to each other about some teacher they hated and a minute or so later they moved on to the next table. No big deal.

Right after they left this troll of a woman walked to our table from the one next to us. She looked at me and said, “God, those girls were obnoxious.” Normally I think everyone is obnoxious and would have agreed, especially younger people. But those girls weren’t particularly rude, or  anything. I just smiled at the troll so she wouldn’t drag me off to eat later under some bridge somewhere. The best part of this silly story is the description of the woman who made the complaint about the girls.

She was indeed a troll for her attitude. But she also fit the physical bill as well. This +50 year old woman was made up of the following:

  1. white fukc me pumps
  2. an acid wash miniskirt
  3. troll legs
  4. a faux leather corset vest
  5. a pirate shirt with puffy sleeves
  6. black 5″ long finger nails
  7. black painted on eyebrows with bleached too long blond hair
  8. Mr. T like necklaces
  9. a tattoo of some ex-boyfriend’s name on her hand (classy)
  10. orange/ almost purple tan from a box

See crapply done photoshop example:

THIS is a lady.

Obnoxious? Them? Oh no, dearie. You, you and the obnoxious ox troll who picks her teeth with the bones of young teenagers under the G.W. Bridge.

If you see her on the street just throw her some food and don’t look her in the eye. She’ll leave you alone if you distract her with a chicken wing or something.