Tag Archives: WTF

Soy milk and instant pudding…

24 Sep

don’t mix well.

Or at all.

I wasted a whole packet of instant pudding the other day when I made the mistake of using soy milk instead of regular milk. Being lactose intolerant I thought it would be fancy cool of me to be able to enjoy my lovely instant pudding recipe without the pain in the belly side effects that usually follow. After mixing them and waiting about an hour I was sadly disappointed and very pissed off. The concoction I’d created resembled only pudding mixed with water. Not creamy luscious pudding.

Later, I googled “soy milk and instant pudding” and found out it was a failure of a recipe because there are not enough solids in soy milk.

SOLIDS? Ewww.

The fat in milk is what makes the instant pudding turn into pudding. Of course that little fact is from some dude living in his mom’s basement. (Probably.)

Why can't you two get along?

Why can't you two get along?

WTF is this?

21 Sep

I received a Crate & Barrel catalogue in the mail and Mike and I saw this:

???????????????

What the hell is this used for? Why are there spots on it? How is it any better than any other knife??

Disappointing Celebrity Dialects:

21 Sep

Here are three examples of celebrities who have disappointing natural dialects. In their performances they usually either put on other dialects or fix their own in a way that makes their voices somewhat listen-to-able.

Alexis Denisof

Jake Gyllenhaal

James Marsters

The Vampire Diaries–> (Show vs. Books)

20 Sep

In 1991 L. J. Smith wrote The Vampire Diaries: The Awakening. Almost 20 years later her creation hit the small screen. (She can thank Twilight and True Blood for that one.)

As an original fan of the V.D books I was eagerly awaiting the TV adaptation. Then on September 10th 2009 I was gravely disappointed. My hopes were torn into teeny tiny bits.

First off, Elena is blond. The producers probably changed her hair to brown so as to not confuse Elena with Sookie Stackhouse from True Blood. If they were scared of overlapping True Blood than they should have realized both shows revolve around a human woman, and a couple of vampires fighting for her affection and life. (Wait a minute… that sounds a hell of a lot like True Blood.) To avoid all that they could have just done the show a few years ago…when the books weren’t so outdated.

Also not only is she blond, but she is beautiful in a kind of too pretty to be naturally pretty way. But in the show she’s some short normal looking actress. Sure the actress is pretty. But, SHE’S AN ACTRESS ON A MAJOR NETWORK. SHE HAS TO BE A CERTAIN AMOUNT OF PRETTY. Elena is supposed to be Helen of Troy pretty. WTF?

ANYWAY…

The other thing that pisses me off is how cheezy it was. There were freaking billows of fog pouring from off camera while she was at the cemetery. She wasn’t even weirded out by the ferocious mystery fog. I would have been like…”WTF, fog? What’s going on? Why are you billowing over towards me?” Instead she looks around puzzled then runs for no real reason.

I had to stop watching shortly after. It was at that point that I realized the show was put together by idiots. L.J. should be pissed. I know I’d be if I were her. Although the huge checks the network gave me would certainly dull the pain quite a bit.

So take a look and tell me about how close the characters seem, from the book to the show:

Book Elena.
Book Elena.

Show Elena.
Show Elena.

There needs to be is an age limit…

20 Sep

for strollers.

I’ve done a tiny bit of research (googled stroller age limits for less than 30 seconds) and decided that no child should be older than 5.

Many moms online say their kids were in their strollers up until they were 7.

7?!! SEVEN YEARS OLD?! And in a STROLLER?

Look at this lazy kid. He can’t even keep food in his mouth much less get around with out Mommy or Daddy pushing his preteen butt around.

Get your lazy butt out of that stroller and walk, you chubby little snot.

Get your lazy butt out of that stroller and walk, you chubby little snot.

F.Y.I. I am terrible at guessing children’s ages. The photo could be of a 3-year-old for all I know.

Canvassers who…

19 Sep

leave garbage on my street from their day of standing there and pestering pedestrians to vote for their candidate burst my bubble (in a mean angry way).

W(ho)TF do you think you are, messy canvasser?

I wonder what would happen if I call the candidate’s office and complain? Explaining that my future vote will never go to them due to their canvasser’s lack of concern for my neighborhood. I might even tell the office I was going to call a news channel regarding my concern for the candidate’s true affection for my neighborhood. THEN would they care?

Sadly, I am too much of a lazy ass to really do any of that. I would rather bitch online.

Enjoy the photo I took of a fellow concerned citizen:

I know! I think they need to clean it up too.

I know! I think they need to clean it up too.

W(hy)TF are pennies…

19 Sep

the only coins you find while cleaning?

Nearly every time I clean the apartment I come across a bunch of coins. But EVERY ONE is a freaking PENNY!! WTF?!

Why no quarters, no dimes, not even any nickels?

Are all the quarters hiding? Have they ganged up against the pennies and made them stay out in the open to be picked up by me when I clean, while they hide under the bed safe and sound from my thrifty paws?

Go away pennies! Come back when you've matured into quarters.

Quarters are vicious self preserving little bastards.

Crappy classics…

17 Sep

that no one liked but me:

Got to love this one!

Got to love this one!

The bad guy at the end used to scare the shit out of me. Still does a bit.

The bad guy at the end used to scare the shit out of me. Still does a bit.

I still have no clue what was wrong with the kid. W(hy)TF didn't he talk??

I still have no clue what was wrong with the kid. W(hy)TF didn't he talk??

The Japanification of toys…

17 Sep

has ruined the doll and toy industry. Some toys, dolls, and figures DON’T NEED TO LOOK LIKE ANIME CHARACTERS!!

Several kid’s toys nowadays have been made to look like anime characters. WTF?!

See visuals below…

Before

Before

After

After

These toys and many others have been given oversized eyes and heads. Not only do these not look like real pets, they look like they’re high too.

I have nothing against anime. I love Japan and Japanese toys and such. But DAMN, why is the look spreading to ALL the toys EVERYWHERE?

All of the toys are starting to look alike. Big head + big eyes + tiny neck + medium body= most toys right now

Sad is me.

Toy commercials…

16 Sep

seem to have disappeared off the face of TV. WTF happened?!

I used to love those “Littlest Pet Shop”, “Nerf”, “Hot Wheels” commercials, AND TOYS!

Maybe I’ll catch a commercial for some toy every other other month but the new toys look like shit!

Although everyone is sick of hearing it it’s true: video games have ruined kids. “Non-screen entertainment” ™  doesn’t interest kids in the least anymore.

Littlest Pet Shop

Before (when it ruled):

You rule!

Now (when it sucks):

YOU SUCK!!