Tag Archives: funny

Self Dates and HIPPA

18 Jun

I can’t stress enough how important it is to explore and stretch the edge of your comfort zone.

This last year has been nothing but stretching for me in almost every aspect of my life. (Except actual stretching, which I need to add to my daily routine. )

A few months ago I went through another life adjustment and decided that I needed to continue to get to know myself a bit more and also see the outside world. So I declared I would do ‘self dates’. Basically just a solo activity many people would typically do not solo.

My 2 year ago self would not have the balls to do this but todayish me said, “Eh, fuck it. Let’s do this.”

My plan was to dress nice (as though on a hot date) and go out and do whatever the hell I wanted. Including attend various events, eat at fancy restaurants, explore museums, etc. Then just see where the day would take me.

I’ve gone on a handful so far and it’s amazing!

Keep in mind I’m sorta new at solo activities. I’m a fairly brave person but sometimes I don’t think of things to do when I’m alone. I’ll just be happy watching tv all day and night. But something changed in me and I knew I had to go out and explore the world.

Whatever a day’s activity, the night always ends with me walking around the city for a couple hours people watching and listening to music.

There’s such a freedom in roaming and participating in the unknown. It’s made me really appreciate some life choices I sort of mourned originally. I mourn no longer. (Me happy no kids. Ha!)

My life is for fun random adventures and some adventures are a one time thing and others I may fold into my every day.

So if I can leave you with anything worth anything I’ll say this: “Go outside and take a walk as soon as you can”. See what’s outside because on your deathbed you’re not likely to express your remorse for not getting to rewatch your favorite episode of Buffy for a 23rd time.

Side story:

So on my last self date (yesterday) I did a candle making course and then got a hydrating iv drip. Why? Bc I wanted to and it was weird and fun and cool.

The candle course was fun (pic of my candle below) but the iv drip experience was super interesting. It was at my apt (relevant later) and the whole time I was just talking to the doctor about politics and the world tearing itself apart. All while soaking up the drip for like 2 hours. We were very aligned on everything. (Yeah the world is fucked, this next generation is awesome, but glad we have no kids also Mexican food is great.) Usual stuff.

Then she points to a movie poster on my wall and proceeds to tell me a very detailed story about treating that celeb and that they have to use a catheter. “Big Hollywood secret!”, she said.

From that moment on a turned my “tell this stranger about me” meter from 4 to 0.

Why would you tell patients that? You’re essentially showing people you may tell other people their dirty little secrets.

People are dumb even liberal doctors. Who knew?

Ok so go for a walk but don’t tell randos your secrets. Because there are idiots about.

The End.

-Nice Girl

I made this candle!
(Also my fish skeleton! (I didn’t make that.))

Avoiding avoidance.

15 Jun

I’ve been busy with my day job and haven’t had time to think about anything worth posting but I’m trying to force the habit to post regardless. So, sorry you have to read this post. It’s more for me but you’re welcome to use it as an opportunity to think about the things you’re avoiding.

If I can bring myself to do this god awful post after such an exhausting week of minimal sleep than you can choose to write that email, start that book, finally bury that cat or defrost that steak.

Which reminds me I also want to pat myself on the back for finally stopping my endless food delivery cycle. I’ve started to cook again and although I’m no Ramsey (or whatever that blonde angry man is called) I do my best.

The money saved was kind of surprising. Maybe this weekend I’ll actually run the numbers and see how much I spent in 2023 alone on food delivery. Then I’ll cry then I’ll just stare at the floor for an hour then I’ll watch Practical Magic then I’ll be ok again.

Oh and I’m doing a candle making class Saturday. Wish me luck bc I have no idea how it’ll go. It’s one of those “get drunk and do x activity” activities. My plan is to make the Black Flame candle to raise the Sanderson sisters. I know the sequel was a shit show but I still enjoyed parts. Plus if they invited me to join their coven I would have ZERO hesitation. Bro, THEY CAN FLY!

Oh also doing an IV hydrotherapy drip bc I can. I’ll let you know my thoughts. I did one of the ones where they come to you. So I’ma feel fancy.

Ok so time for shower and sleep and cleaning up my ‘decompress after work’ mess aka dirty dishes and pants on the table.

I’ll leave you with a fun gif.

Now be gone!

See you later though, right?

-Nice Girl

These Two People Look Creepily Alike: Celebrity Edition 2

7 Dec

DRACO MALFOY from ‘HARRY POTTER’ and VELDA’S DAUGHTER from ‘TROOP BEVERLY HILLS’

This one is pretty intense. Brace yourselves.

I TOLD YOU SO. Screen Shot 2014-12-07 at 10.26.04 PM Draco_Malfoy_(Year_2) Screen Shot 2014-12-07 at 10.26.21 PM

Draco-Malfoy-draco-malfoy-14389740-464-500 Screen Shot 2014-12-07 at 10.26.38 PM

Offensive words that are fun to say…

4 Aug

as long as you don’t think too much about their meanings or how terrible they make people feel. These words roll off the tongue like mean offensive rhythmic melodies sung from a cruel racist, sexist bigot named Buck. Not that all Bucks are racist…let’s move on before I talk myself into a black hole.

Note: I don’t condone saying these words unless you’re only saying them to laugh at how fun they are to say. They’re awful. (Spit, spit.)

Let’s begin:

pikey

queef

honkey

fanny

twat

maricon

tittard (Just made that one up. Go me.)

guido

bible beater

mafiosi

The blooper reel of a frustrated, sleep deprived voice over artist:

20 Apr

Click on this guy to hear the reel—>   bloopereel…be warned!

WARNING LOTS OF (MOSTLY (95%)) BURPS AND CURSES!!

I warned you, remember that.

I think I might have spotted a serial killer on the C train.

19 Apr

Let’s call him, “Mr. Serial Killer”. A few weeks ago I was taking the C train home after a fun night out on the town and I noticed that sitting directly across from me was this massive heap of a scary dude. His soulless blank expression wasn’t much to work from but his attire spoke volumes. He wore a dirty “hunting in tall grass for deer”  hooded jumpsuit and these thick black gloves and some huge ass construction worker boots that I could imagine he had gotten off a victim. It was about 63 degrees outside, so he couldn’t have been cold. The only logical conclusion was that he was returning from a night of vigorous killing. Once the train stopped at my stop I got out and noticed that he also left the train. I proceeded to do the only sensible thing I could think of and that was to follow him and take pictures. I was also trying to not get caught and killed. This was the only shot I got of him. I was nervous and kept screwing up the shot, sue me.

So my friends, this is what a serial killer looks like. Well one of them at least. Look out for him and whatever you do don’t tell him about this blog. He might hunt me down and cut my face off or something. No one wants that.

Scroll over image more funny.

Comic Conventions: Pros vs. Fans

1 Apr

Fans pack a few cans of Pepsi for hydration, a Snickers bar for energy, and hand sanitizer for hygiene.

Pros pack drawing pens for sketches, fresh sharpies for autographs and cell phones to pretend they’re busy if they want to be left alone.

Fans’ post-convention evening festivities include unloading all the freebies and purchased treasures from the day and spreading them all over their hotel beds, followed by grabbing some grub at the local diner and discussing who saw who drawing what, and finally, following big name pros to the “industry only” bar and hitting on chicks there who are still in costume from day’s con.

Pros’ post-convention evening festivities include consuming the free happy hour drink at their hotels’ bars followed by dinner at a nice steakhouse with fellow industry buddies, then finding out where all the other industry people have gone to for after dinner drinks and finally hitting on chicks at the bar still in costume from day’s con.

Fans’ key moments at conventions include getting a sketch from the biggest name they can afford, meeting one of the actors from Battlestar Galactica, and taking a picture of a real life slave Leia.

Pros’ key moments at con include being paid well for sketches by adoring fans, meeting one of the actors from Battlestar Galactica and taking a few pictures of slave Leia, Power Girl, Ms. Marvel, Tigra, and that chick with the orange crotch suspenders from Fifth Element.

Fans’ nemeses include broken ATM’s, closed freebie lines and being looked at with unfettered disdain as they plow down toddlers to buy a raffle ticket for the Stan “The Man” Lee signing.

Pros’ nemeses include running into their editors, forgetting popup banners they JUST got made, and running out of hand sanitizer minutes before a repugnantly moist fan comes in for a handshake.

And now an awesome gift from Mike bought at a convention:

Wanna see how shittily I draw?

1 Feb

When I was in college at SUNY Geneseo I drew a few cartoons for the school paper. They don’t seem as funny now.

P.S. I can only draw people from the side. I’m frontlexic.

Enjoy.

Have fun laughing at how not funny these are. I know I am. No worries, Gary Larson. Lena’s career in comic strips was over before it began.

Rihanna has ripped off Tank Girl!!

31 Jan

Check out her latest video for her single titled : “Hard”.

Now take a look at this video of Tank Girl:

Just to be clear: Rihanna’s video is a glam rip off of the original Tank Girl style from the comic and the film. What do you think?

It’s a bird… It’s a plane… It’s Kelly Ripa’s…

31 Jan

BELLY BUTTON!!!

I feel kinda dirty for doing this post. But it was too funny and odd a subject to ignore. Of course, she is in a billion million times better shape than anyone who will probably read this, but we can all still get a little chuckle over her (should be pixilated over for the sake of children) belly button.  She may be famous, fit and rich…but deep down she’s just another sideshow carny.