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Fellow Paranoid Ladies:

2 Sep

If you’re a girl walking down the street alone and you see more than 3 guys walking toward you, do you also think: “Damn! I knew I shouldn’t have left my machete at home tonight.” ?

Just me and my machete.

F.Y.I.

2 Sep

I’m actually a very nice, sweet  young lady. Except for that tiny tiny peice of my head that produces, write and maintains this blog.

I semi apologize on its behalf.

Sooooorry. Sorta.

Adult males…

2 Sep

who wear light khaki pants with leather belts and polos: If you’re not a real estate broker in flyover states than you’re not allowed. Sorry. That goes for you too, Dad.

Official Khaki Pants Map

Sarah Michelle Gellar:

2 Sep

Be Buffy again!!!

Thank you, have a nice day.

We miss you!!

Music blows donkey balls now a days.

2 Sep

Who told the 90’s to stop making music? Dick.

Men with….

2 Sep

lady fingers and hands. Ewww.

Sorry, guys.

Clothing brands that lie about sizes:

2 Sep

If you say “10” but only fit a girl who wears “6”, you’re a lying peice of shit! Telling me I’m fat when I’m just…plump. FUCK YOU!

I can always trust you, handy measuring tape!

I can always trust YOU, handy measuring tape!

Cuticles…

2 Sep

Why do we have them if our hands look nicer without them? Poor cutilces can’t catch a break.

A tear for you.   : _ (

Bye bye cuticles.

Bye bye cuticles.

Background Actors…

2 Sep

who went through the trouble of getting a facelift. I don’t get it. We’re most likely not going to see your face anyway. It’s not like a casting director will see the film/show and say, “Hey! Who is that woman with their face parted like the Red Sea! I need HER for my next billion dollar picture!” Not too likely.

Safe as houses.

2 Sep

Apparently that term does not work for hotels. I was staying in a hotel during a trip to San Diego during the 2008 San Diego Comic Con. I was poorish and this hotel was way cheap so I booked it online. Little did I know there was a gang of truckers and scary bike dudes having a “one year ago we killed a young woman here and we need to do it again” meeting next door. So I took precautions and took every item not bolted to the floor shoved it in front of the door every night and slept with a butter knife under my pillow. I was ready to take them all down. Luckily they sensed my strength and left me be.

(See evidence below)

It was a lovely stay at the local Break n' Entering Inn.
It was a lovely stay at the local Break n’ Entering Inn.

Hmmm....sure this should help, right?
Hmmm….sure this should help, right?

After 1 night of having to stay awake in bed (fully dressed with a knife in my hand), I decided that some more protection was necessary.

After 1 night of having to stay awake in bed (fully dressed with a knife in my hand), I decided that some more protection was necessary.