Archive | September, 2009

Angry people…

10 Sep

who look at strangers in disgust are funny. This woman has been staring at this girl with pure hate in her eyes. And rightfully so I think. The young girl has been yapping about wanting to be rich when she grows up on her phone to her boyfriend for the last half hour.

Maybe the woman sees her younger self in the girl, and it makes her sick.

That or she just wants to stuff her purse down the girls throut because of her annoying voice and attitude.

Either way it’s funny to watch.

The girl has no idea she’s getting the look of death either. That’s the best part.

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Bullshit talent agencies…

9 Sep

suck John Jacob Jingleheimer Schmidt ass!

A month or so ago I decided I would try my hand at working as an extra for film and TV in NYC. So I made a proper resume (thanks to Mina) did some decent homemade headshots and got a list of talent agencies from the Backstage website.

I also sent my info to a load of places online that seemed pretty legit.  Well apparently “pretty legit” is not legit.

So a few weeks ago I got a voice mail message from a vaguely named acting agency.

The message went something like this:

“Hey Lena!! How are you?! It’s Brad from (Vague Name) Agency. I just wanted to let you know we want you to play a part in the new Twilight film. You know, the fifth one? Anyway we have JUST the part for you! Please call me back and we will sort it out. Hope to hear from you soon!”

First off. The latest film, the one they would have been casting for, would have been the third one.

Secondly: WTF?! People actually fall for that shit?

Thirdly: What ASSHOLES! I can’t believe they can get away with lying to people like that.

So what did I do?

I called back and acted like one of the people who fell for it.

The one to pick up was just some secretary who obviously just wanted to go home. I told her I had gotten a call from Brad about starring in the next Twilight film. She didn’t know or care what I meant and asked me to make an appointment. I agreed. (Playing along with a scam can be fun as long as you know when to back out.)

So I made an appointment for a week from that day. I asked what I should bring and all that. She said I didn’t need to bring a thing.

Next up—> Googled them to see if I even wanted to go to the appt. for shits and giggles.

Google told me that when you go to the appt. you fill out a form and sign a contract and get a few photos taken. Then you pay $25 for the photos they keep of you then you never hear from them again. Because that is all they do. They call you tell you to show get you to sign the contract saying you let them keep the pics and the cash and you leave after photos to never hear from them again.

It’s perfectly legal.

FUCK THEM UP THEIR LYING ASSES!

I never went and saved myself the cab fare.

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Perez Hilton…

8 Sep

was on the Tyra Show today and I noticed he looked like a freaking reverse oompa loompa or even a leprechaun. (No offence oopmas and leprchs.)

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Temp Jobs…

8 Sep

can suck or rule. There is not of an in-between. Today I worked a suck one.

So I was told by my agency to show up at an address at Park Ave. and bring my cell and charger, and prepare to make many calls.

I showed up to the address and brought the phone and charger. I told the doorman I was there for Mrs. Blahblahblah from BlahBlah Agency. He called up to her and she told him to send me up.

She was waiting for me outside the apt. door and welcomed me in. She looked like a nice 40 something business type. The apartment was very bare and very clean. Looked like they had JUST moved in to.

She offered me a water or soda, I decline. Then she told me another lady from the same agency would be there in a few.

So far it seems like a set up from a soft porno. But I assure you, it did not turn out that way. I don’t get paid THAT much.

I waited in the living room while the woman and her husband were running around the apt. chasing their 2 very young kids while they discussed schools and applications and things.

Finally the other lady came and the wife and husband described the job to us.

Apparently the couple were looking to put their kindergarten age daughter into school. Nice fancy rich people who live on Park Avenue school.

Our mission: To call one phone number to one certain 92nd Street school until we got through and were able to schedule an appointment for a tour and application.

One phone number, 5 phones, 4 people calling that one number.

It took 2 hours to finally get through.

Well actually… it took 2 hours for ME to get through. No one else got to a human on the phone.

So I scheduled the tour and the lady and her hubby thanked us and told us to leave.

WTF…rich people are weird.

The End.

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David Bowie and his johnson…

7 Sep

both star in Labyrinth.

I think someone's something is upstaging them.

I think someone's something is upstaging them.

I just wanted to remind you all.

Have a nice day.

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Clothing store or discotheque?

7 Sep

To continue my bitching about A.F. …

The store in NYC looks like an average clothing store on the outside. Except for the male models who hang out and take pics with the hot and flustered 13 year-olds who are about to shop inside for some clothes with their spray-tanned mothers.

Once you walk past the kids posing with models you step into the store and realize there is barely any lighting within. It is like a dance club or even a haunted house. The music is loud as hell too. Not being hip enough to recognize the song or artist I quickly realized today that I’m not getting younger. Damn that was fast.

Once you reach the jeans area, you notice that the jeans are in some kind of glass a and wood display case. Much like sea food is displayed at your local grocery store. Hehehehe…Fishy jeans. Eww.

The stairs within the store are apparently its main source of light. These stairs are lit from underneath with glass steps and metal framing.

Let’s not forget that most of the employees there look like models too.

I think A.F. execs. should decide to serve alcoholic drinks within the stores. They have models, mood lighting and loud hip music and the place is filled with skinny young kids and their wealthy mothers. Why not add a cocktail bar?

“I’ll take a Madison dark wash size 12 and, a Appletini, please.”

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Traitor is me.

7 Sep

I had to pick up a few new pairs of jeans today due to the old ones being worn away at the inner thigh. (See post called “Jeans”.)

Anyway…

I have to point out that EVERY time I have to go out and shop for jeans: I first take a moment to consider other options, like suicide and cutting off my legs. But today I decided I will try and avoid the painful trying on and failing, and crying, and screaming in the stores’ changing rooms. So today I realized that I had to go to a store that I had NEVER shopped at before.

So I went to … (shameful nodding of head) Abercrombie and Fitch. I know. I know!

A.F. and I have been mortal enemies since I first saw yuppy kids wearing A.F. in high school.

To get to the point…

I tried on a pair and guess what? They fit like a self loathing glove.

I have officially sold out my fashion morals for jeans that fit. Shoot me now. No! Wait! I have to put on the new A.F. jeans first. I look so hot in them.

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“Working Man” TV Shows…

7 Sep

like Rescue Me piss me off to no end. Much of that show and shows like it are about (or at least promote) men treating women like shit, and getting respect from other men for it. Because (based on those shows) if you treat a woman like she’s just a piece of ass she will give you ass.

See clip—> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Aq9Dgf42uPE

They also teach men that just because they have an outdoor type job they are macho and deserve extra credit. If that is the case than Smokey the Bear must be rolling in pussy.

Rustic macho outdoor type seeks hot ladies to be talked down to.

Rustic macho outdoor type seeks hot ladies to be talked down to.

Not only that but these prick self-righteous assholes have these women all over them who take shit from them and look like a million bucks. Working man’s fantasy come true!

It’s like the shows promote all the shit I hate about the male sex.

But Dennis Leary is funny.

My “How This Programming Came About” Theory:

Did some redneck meet a TV exec. at a bar and say, “Hey you, girlie boy! You’re not a real man. You’re a suit. You got to scratch your balls then smell your hand like this. That’s what a MAN does.” Then the exec. tries it once to test his inner cavemanness, enjoys himself and feels all Fight Clubish. And thinks, “…yeah I’M A MAN! I should be able to chug beer until I puke and don’t clean it up, and pinch waitress’ asses, and call a woman who won’t let me sleep with her a bitch to her face.”

Then the exec. decides he will make millions if he produces a show that shows men that it’s ok to be a prick and they should be proud to scratch and sniff their balls in public. So he tells the other execs. and they connect the success of Fight Club (FYI- I’m a big F.C. fan.) and other machismo entertainment and decide to back it. Then this stream of programming began. Billions of working men, suits who want to be working men, and others praise the new kind of programing telling them it’s ok to be how they want  and want what they want.

Turning back to that original exec. who met the redneck —–>The exec. who once scratched and sniffed is now sitting out on the beach outside his mansion in Palm Beach drinking a Strawberry Daiquiri starring at his newly manicured hands and thinking, “Thank you, stupid redneck. I hope you’re enjoying your Bud Lite and taco in your trailer.”

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Why all kids dress alike…

6 Sep

I saw these kids walking along the street in NYC. DONT TELL ME you don’t think they are dressed nearly the same. Not to mention they will apparently continue that trend with their newly purchased wardrobes from the Gap.

Gap gang.

P.S. The two on the left are doing that orange shirt thing I love so much.

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Megan Fox…

6 Sep

is a big time mouth breather. Someone needs to talk to her about this.

Maybe she has some kind of mouthy no closey condition?

Maybe she has some kind of mouthy no closey condition?

Be careful you don't wanna suffocate yourself.

At least she's working on it a bit.

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